Day 8 - A Photo of Something that makes you sad / mad

So originally I was going to take this in another direction, but then I read a post that my friend Crazy Princess posted on her blog (here) and realized that she said it better than I ever could.  So here's my picutre:

This is me and my mare Viva.  When I moved to the East I chose to leave her in the West over the winter, so that she wouldn't have to be transported in the winter.  My intention was always to bring her here in the spring when the weather was nicer and the roads would be better. 

However, as they always say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Right before my first Christmas in the East she got hurt in her field and since no one was riding her (I couldn't find a half-boarder for her before I left) no one knows how long she was hurt before they noticed.  She had a very small (like hypodermic needle small) puncture in her hock (the backwards knee on their back legs) that went all the way to the joint and her joint capsule was infected.  The barn in the West got her on antibiotics right away, but she wasn't getting any better.  She was in so much pain that she couldn't walk and normally she would just lay down.  When  I went home for Christmas and found out about her injury I raced to the barn and was surpried since she seemed a lot more upbeat than they had been telling me.  She was alert and standing and even putting weight on her injured leg!  I couldn't believe it, I was sure that she'd pull through.  I was sad because I was pretty sure that she'd never be a riding horse again, but as long as she wasn't in too much pain and happy I could give her away as a companion horse.  I visited her every day while I was home and although she wasn't great she was a lot better than she had been, so reluctantly returned to the East as scheduled after Christmas comfortable in the fact that she'd make a recovery and then I could work on re-homing her.

I was wrong.  Shortly after I left she took a nose dive and wouldn't even stand up.  That April we made the decision to have her put down.  I felt I had let her down and I couldn't even make the trip out to be with her while she was put down.  I have never felt more guilty and more of a failure.  I abandoned that horse.  She may have pulled through if she was properly motivated and if her partner hadn't left her on her own.

So this picture makes me sad because she was the best partner I could ask for and I let her down.