Day 27 - Your worst habit
This is a tough one for me, as I am a Virgo and I am incredibly critical of myself and as far as I am concerned all my habits are bad ha ha ha. But maybe that in itself is my worst habit. I put myself down ALL THE TIME! I am so so so critical of myself it's ridiculous.
Nothing is ever good enough for me. I can never reach high enough and I can never do good enough. There is rarely an occasion when I am comfortable saying something positive about myself, and I know that is bad. A few years ago after I got the rug pulled out from underneath me by an ex-boyfriend my Dad made me go see a therapist and she tried to make me say three good things about myself and I almost couldn't do it. In the end I told her what she wanted to hear and never went back. I felt stupid.
I have tried to figure out where all this negativity comes from, but I can sort of understand where my lack of confidence comes from. I was teased incessantly as a child. Nothing I could do or say was ever good enough for the other kids in my class. No amount of kindness, or cookies or anything was good enough. I was too short, I had hairy arms, my clothes weren't right etc etc.
Oh and I have always been "fat." One memory my grandma always shared with me was me turning to her when I was four and telling her that my five year old cousin told me I was fat. My dance instructor told me I had too much flab, my Mom used to tell me that the clothes I wanted to wear "didn't fit my body type." Needless to say self-confidence has never been my strong suit.
I have always measured myself by others' standards, and I have never and probably will never meet up to my own. I am on a neurotic quest for perfection and I can not accept that I will never get there.
So there you have it, my dirty laundry, my worst habit is picking myself apart. Blah I feel dirty. ha ha ha
Nothing is ever good enough for me. I can never reach high enough and I can never do good enough. There is rarely an occasion when I am comfortable saying something positive about myself, and I know that is bad. A few years ago after I got the rug pulled out from underneath me by an ex-boyfriend my Dad made me go see a therapist and she tried to make me say three good things about myself and I almost couldn't do it. In the end I told her what she wanted to hear and never went back. I felt stupid.
I have tried to figure out where all this negativity comes from, but I can sort of understand where my lack of confidence comes from. I was teased incessantly as a child. Nothing I could do or say was ever good enough for the other kids in my class. No amount of kindness, or cookies or anything was good enough. I was too short, I had hairy arms, my clothes weren't right etc etc.
Oh and I have always been "fat." One memory my grandma always shared with me was me turning to her when I was four and telling her that my five year old cousin told me I was fat. My dance instructor told me I had too much flab, my Mom used to tell me that the clothes I wanted to wear "didn't fit my body type." Needless to say self-confidence has never been my strong suit.
I have always measured myself by others' standards, and I have never and probably will never meet up to my own. I am on a neurotic quest for perfection and I can not accept that I will never get there.
So there you have it, my dirty laundry, my worst habit is picking myself apart. Blah I feel dirty. ha ha ha
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