Showing posts from 2015

Please understand

Please understand that I don't see myself as you may see me.

Please understand that when you joke or make fun of me I take it to heart.

Please understand that I struggle every day to find something, anything that I like about myself.

Please understand that when I speak negatively about myself I'm not looking for validation and I'm not looking for you to tell me I'm wrong.  I am expressing something that I feel and believe to the very core of my being and it scares me.

Please understand that I would give anything to know what it feels like to be beautiful, to know what it feels like to be sexy, to feel desired.

Please understand that I hate being trapped in my head and I would give anything to get out, but this is where I am right now.

Please understand that I still need you in my life because I'm not sure how to make it through this alone.

Times they are a changin

Hello long-neglected blog, it's been a while.  So much has changed since we last got together and I don't even know where to start.

Basically in the last three years I have watched the world I built for myself come crashing down around me.  I am divorced, which is the last thing I ever wanted, yet here I am.  I lost my life as I knew it, my future as I knew it and now I am here on the other side of the country picking up the pieces and trying to figure out where I go next.

It's not all bad news though, I did get back to the west coast and I am working for a company I love, doing something that I always dreamed of doing, but I'll get to that eventually.

This is my first step on my new journey.  I'll explain where I've been as I try to figure out where I'm going.