Okay I'm better now.
So I didn't get the job. They E-MAILED me to tell me! I mean seriously after all the shit they put me through THAT's what I get! Arg. You know what though? It really is their loss, because I can guarantee you that NO ONE wanted that job as much as me and NO ONE would have worked as hard for them as me. So there company I am not going to name. I wouldn't be surprised if they call me again in three months because the person that they hired didn't work out.
So I spent last night crying nee BAWLING like an imbecile. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. I just needed that win. I have had so many little defeats over the last few months that I REALLY needed that win. I felt deflated and useless and guilty, amongst other emotions. I really wanted to crawl into a hole and die because I just didn't feel worth the air I breathe. I know that it all sounds very dramatic, but I seriously just really needed the win.
So after all that I woke up today and I am sort of over it. I have a plan, well sort of. I am going to take a French course next month so that I have a better chance of getting the "French" jobs. I am going to try to enjoy as much of the summer as I can. I should say though that it is hard to enjoy everything as much without any money. I don't think people understand how broke we are. We just bought a house and in about 8 weeks we have to pay for our wedding, so things are tight. There are things I want that I will not get, which is not something I am used to. I am used to working a lot and being able to save for the things that I want and now I can't. This is the least of my problems I know, but it is still hard.
Anyway now I am going to go out on a hike around the park by our house. It's a hot day, but it's shady in the park and I need to get up and move because I have been eating a lot of crap lately. So I am going to try to take a bit better care of myself and try to stay away from my pity party cause that doesn't do anyone any good.
Before I go I just want to thank everyone who commented on my last few posts or on FB. Honestly sometimes I forget that people care and I appreciate the reminder.
So I spent last night crying nee BAWLING like an imbecile. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. I just needed that win. I have had so many little defeats over the last few months that I REALLY needed that win. I felt deflated and useless and guilty, amongst other emotions. I really wanted to crawl into a hole and die because I just didn't feel worth the air I breathe. I know that it all sounds very dramatic, but I seriously just really needed the win.
So after all that I woke up today and I am sort of over it. I have a plan, well sort of. I am going to take a French course next month so that I have a better chance of getting the "French" jobs. I am going to try to enjoy as much of the summer as I can. I should say though that it is hard to enjoy everything as much without any money. I don't think people understand how broke we are. We just bought a house and in about 8 weeks we have to pay for our wedding, so things are tight. There are things I want that I will not get, which is not something I am used to. I am used to working a lot and being able to save for the things that I want and now I can't. This is the least of my problems I know, but it is still hard.
Anyway now I am going to go out on a hike around the park by our house. It's a hot day, but it's shady in the park and I need to get up and move because I have been eating a lot of crap lately. So I am going to try to take a bit better care of myself and try to stay away from my pity party cause that doesn't do anyone any good.
Before I go I just want to thank everyone who commented on my last few posts or on FB. Honestly sometimes I forget that people care and I appreciate the reminder.
Comments
Hang in there.
Just keep doing what you need to do for your own sanity, and try not to lose hope. Things will work out.