Murphy's Law
It never fails. Things are looking up and you think that nothing can ruin your mood and then BOOM. The bubble bursts.
I have been having a pretty awesome week. We bought a cute house, I got my grades back for this semester and my lowest grade is a 90% and I was doing a good job of forgetting all those things that bring me down.
Then we got sick and I was feeling crappy, and yesterday I got "the call," the one that I'd been dreading ever since I got home from Vancouver. My horse does indeed need to be put down. To add insult to injury it will cost me $500 bucks. Plus since the economy is tanking and a business deal went south, the loan that my coach had made me when my horse got hurt needs to be paid back because they can't afford to have that money outstanding. Great. Where the fuck am I going to get that money? Here we are trying to put a down payment on the house and pay for a wedding all with me being unemployed and now I owe a good chunk of change to the barn.
Of course in true Odette form I can't help but also dwell on the fact that I feel so freaking isolated, that I am nearly alone out here and it seems like all my friends from back home have pretty much forgotten that I exist. Not that I blame them. I was the one who left them after all. But I am getting married this year, and I can't help but be sad about all the stuff that I am missing. I don't get an engagement party (although my bro and his fiancee do) I am not going to get a bachelorette party because my great plans for that fell through due to lack of funds. I always thought that if I got married I'd have my friends around to celebrate with. But I am alone. I have a great fiance and I love him like nothing else, but he can't be the only person in my life. I feel so toxic, like I am this horrible, grumpy, unlikeable person. When did I become this? I have such great intentions to change, change the way I look at the world, my attitude, my eating and excersise habits, but it's like I keep getting knocked down.
I have been having a pretty awesome week. We bought a cute house, I got my grades back for this semester and my lowest grade is a 90% and I was doing a good job of forgetting all those things that bring me down.
Then we got sick and I was feeling crappy, and yesterday I got "the call," the one that I'd been dreading ever since I got home from Vancouver. My horse does indeed need to be put down. To add insult to injury it will cost me $500 bucks. Plus since the economy is tanking and a business deal went south, the loan that my coach had made me when my horse got hurt needs to be paid back because they can't afford to have that money outstanding. Great. Where the fuck am I going to get that money? Here we are trying to put a down payment on the house and pay for a wedding all with me being unemployed and now I owe a good chunk of change to the barn.
Of course in true Odette form I can't help but also dwell on the fact that I feel so freaking isolated, that I am nearly alone out here and it seems like all my friends from back home have pretty much forgotten that I exist. Not that I blame them. I was the one who left them after all. But I am getting married this year, and I can't help but be sad about all the stuff that I am missing. I don't get an engagement party (although my bro and his fiancee do) I am not going to get a bachelorette party because my great plans for that fell through due to lack of funds. I always thought that if I got married I'd have my friends around to celebrate with. But I am alone. I have a great fiance and I love him like nothing else, but he can't be the only person in my life. I feel so toxic, like I am this horrible, grumpy, unlikeable person. When did I become this? I have such great intentions to change, change the way I look at the world, my attitude, my eating and excersise habits, but it's like I keep getting knocked down.
Comments
I wish so bad right now that I was there with you. We would do all kinds of wedding stuff, we would get our two Virgo heads together and figure out all of the money business, and love each other dearly despite our age difference because we're both Virgos and we usually always like each other! BWAHAHA! Seriously, I know what it's like to feel isolated and alone. Friends are such an important, vital part of life that to be without that is practically unbearable. My husband, like your fiancee, was the love of my life and my very favorite, first choice person to hang out with, but...we still need girlfriends. The problem with being far away from your friends and unemployed is that there is always that money issue; it's not like you can afford to be calling constantly and such. I know this probably isn't much help, but you could always e-mail me if you feel like "talking" would help. I've got pretty broad shoulders and love to problem-solve...HA!
It sometimes seems just TOO HARD to keep getting back up. But you will because you have to, and things will get better. I promise you that; I guarantee it. And when things DO get better, it is going to be very SUH-WEET!
You are NOT completely alone...no blogger ever is!
Sorry about the horse - I had no idea he was YOUR horse I thought you just rode him alot. So many horses I have loved have died - in fact that's why I stopped riding at Crescent...I had a conspiracy theory.
You did leave us yes in Vancouver. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun where you are. I'm sorry your bachelorette party fell through because I was raring to go (providing the dates changed) - but your wedding is still here, in Van, right? There is no reason we can't take you out for a night on a town then, before the wedding!
I would also suggest you come out here for a visit before that - without your fiance, so you don't feel you need to keep him company - but stupid big Canada, airfare is so expensive!
Hang in there, I'm hanging in too.
Hallie
And I know exactly what you mean about feeling isolated. I moved away from all of my friends as well and hardly do anything with anyone other than my husband. It is difficult, but you find a way to adjust. Missing out on all those fun wedding things does suck, but remember, that is not the important part of the wedding. It may be hard to see now, but looking back years from now you will wonder why any of the stuff other than the ceremony was important. I do. :)
Let me know if you need any wedding ideas. I planned my own and helped a bunch of friends.
I'm so sorry. :(
Don't feel so alone, sweetie. We may all be online, but we're here for you if you need us. You've got my email address - use it!