YAY for finally having the internet back!
Okay so I have been without reliable internet for about a week so I haven't been able to blog. Much has happened since I last wrote.
First and foremost my Mom and I finally spoke! I am happy that that is over. She didn't apologize per se but I will take what I can get!
Mme and M R continue to have problems, but they are leaving me out of them so that's another tick in the win column!
I have been having a great time with le boyfriend lately; we actually just got back from a weekend in the Burgundy region of France. (I'll have pics up on my travel blog and a better description of the region itself so check that out as well!) We spent Saturday going to the region of Chablis (for the wine), Tonnere (for this crazy natural spring) and Abbaye Fontane. It was really relaxed and nice. Sunday we went on an 18km hike. It was a lot of fun. The idea was to hike from Avallon (where we had stayed the night before) to Vezelay, however we took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up climbing this hill (it was a big hill) and then going down this path that led us back to where we were an hour before. He seemed disappointed, I didn't care. I was just happy to do the hike and spend the day with him. The hike took us along this river in the woods and it was amazing, then it took us through little villages and farm land, so at the end of the day I don't really care where we were supposed to end up I was happy with our little journey. The very last thing we had to do on this hike (we had been out for about 5 hours) was to climb the hill to get to Avallon. Now I had been powering those hills up until that point but I was tired and my hip was killing me (stupid chronic injuries!) so I was a little slower up that hill and all of the sudden le boyfriend starts pushing me up the hill. Now I know that he was probably just trying to be helpful, but I know that he has bitched about having to do that for his ex all the time and I had not only kicked his ass on the hills up to that point, but had not complained or made any hint that I wanted a rest. Anyway as I felt him doing this I said in no uncertain terms "You'd better not be pushing me right now so help me God. I am not K you don't need to push me." I was angry. How dare he think that I needed him to push me? I hadn't whined about it, I was feeling like I was going to collapse but there was no question in my mind that I was going to keep going. He felt bad. Really bad. I don't hold a grudge, so I just let it go. He knows now that I can hold my own and he doesn't need to baby me. I feel like it's a bit of a triumph since he is Mr. Outdoors, running, triathlete, adventure racing guy and I am not, but I held my own and I am proud.
I don't know how it happened but we ended up having one of those serious "us" talks last night. I did most of the talking, but he added some stuff too. The issue is that he is leaving Paris in May to go back to Canada and at this point it is unclear where he'll end up. I basically just told him that if at that time things are still going the way that they are with us I am willing to keep going. I also mentioned that it is the perfect time for this to happen since I am not quite sure about next year and I am mobile so if it came to it I could go anywhere. This was also prefaced with the fact that I am not willing to rush our relationship in any way. I like the pace that everything is going. I don't want to put pressure on us just because we know that we will have to separate geographically at some point. I am willing to fight for this relationship though. This one is something pretty special and I am not willing to just let it go. This is a big deal for me to say too because I am not one of those girls who enters into relationships that often. I never give my heart away or let myself trust people. I don't really know what's going on here but with le boyfriend there has never been any question in my mind. I trust him fully without a reason and I have been slowly letting him in and it is the scariest thing I have ever done. I am just waiting for him to say "yeah sorry I can't do this" and leave me hanging, but I really believe him when he says that he doesn't want to hurt me. With that said however I refuse to drop the "L-word" because I really don't want to add that pressure. He is still getting over the break up with his ex and I want him to be able to do that on his own without having me pressuring him. Also for me the "L-word" is over used and I don't want to start using it unless I am sure. Not that I am not sure now, I am actually 100% sure but I don't want to use it and have this relationship not live up to it. The truth of the matter is that this guy is everything I could ever want in a partner and that is the scariest thing in the world. Part of me is so afraid of screwing it up that I want to run away as fast as I can just to save myself the potential hurt. I mean what if he doesn't feel the same? He said that he is happy that we had the conversation and that he is happy with the relationship and that he is scared as well, so I am thinking that we are probably on the same track, but man this is not as easy as the Disney movies make it out to be. I mean aren't we just supposed to fall in love and live happily ever after? I wish!
So after that rant about my relationship, again, I will move on. I am in day 2 of the first phase of my "get back on track" eating plan. I have been trying in the past two years to change my eating habits. I try to steer clear of processed carbs like white flour, white rice and sugar. I will of course indulge every now and then and not get too uptight about it, however since moving to France I have consumed FAR too many "bad carbs" and am beginning to look like Buddha, so I am back to the strict two weeks of eating nothing but lean meat, veggies and low-fat dairy. So far so good. I feel hungry all the time (even though I eat a lot) because my body is craving the carbs, but that should be over by Thursday when my body will re-adjust to eating real food. I am not on a diet per se because to me a diet is something you do temporarily to loose weight and this is more of a lifestyle change since I plan on carrying it with me for the rest of my life. After my body starts processing its food properly (that's why it's only two weeks of phase 1(yes yes yes it’s South Beach-esque I know)) I will reintroduce whole grains and fruit back into my diet and I will stop craving the sugar. I have done this before when I fell off track, so I am prepared for the ridiculous carb cravings and what not. I really just want to start to feel like me again and if I loose a few pounds in the process YAY!
I have also set myself some running goals. I plan on running a 5k in the spring and then a 10k in the fall. I already know that I can run 2k without stopping so it is just a matter of pushing myself a little more every day. I hope that this will help me feel like I am accomplishing something while I am here.
Well that's it for now. I am sorry for the long and perhaps a little monotonous entry, but this is where I work things out for myself and as always I appreciate all the feedback. Thanks again for reading!
First and foremost my Mom and I finally spoke! I am happy that that is over. She didn't apologize per se but I will take what I can get!
Mme and M R continue to have problems, but they are leaving me out of them so that's another tick in the win column!
I have been having a great time with le boyfriend lately; we actually just got back from a weekend in the Burgundy region of France. (I'll have pics up on my travel blog and a better description of the region itself so check that out as well!) We spent Saturday going to the region of Chablis (for the wine), Tonnere (for this crazy natural spring) and Abbaye Fontane. It was really relaxed and nice. Sunday we went on an 18km hike. It was a lot of fun. The idea was to hike from Avallon (where we had stayed the night before) to Vezelay, however we took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up climbing this hill (it was a big hill) and then going down this path that led us back to where we were an hour before. He seemed disappointed, I didn't care. I was just happy to do the hike and spend the day with him. The hike took us along this river in the woods and it was amazing, then it took us through little villages and farm land, so at the end of the day I don't really care where we were supposed to end up I was happy with our little journey. The very last thing we had to do on this hike (we had been out for about 5 hours) was to climb the hill to get to Avallon. Now I had been powering those hills up until that point but I was tired and my hip was killing me (stupid chronic injuries!) so I was a little slower up that hill and all of the sudden le boyfriend starts pushing me up the hill. Now I know that he was probably just trying to be helpful, but I know that he has bitched about having to do that for his ex all the time and I had not only kicked his ass on the hills up to that point, but had not complained or made any hint that I wanted a rest. Anyway as I felt him doing this I said in no uncertain terms "You'd better not be pushing me right now so help me God. I am not K you don't need to push me." I was angry. How dare he think that I needed him to push me? I hadn't whined about it, I was feeling like I was going to collapse but there was no question in my mind that I was going to keep going. He felt bad. Really bad. I don't hold a grudge, so I just let it go. He knows now that I can hold my own and he doesn't need to baby me. I feel like it's a bit of a triumph since he is Mr. Outdoors, running, triathlete, adventure racing guy and I am not, but I held my own and I am proud.
I don't know how it happened but we ended up having one of those serious "us" talks last night. I did most of the talking, but he added some stuff too. The issue is that he is leaving Paris in May to go back to Canada and at this point it is unclear where he'll end up. I basically just told him that if at that time things are still going the way that they are with us I am willing to keep going. I also mentioned that it is the perfect time for this to happen since I am not quite sure about next year and I am mobile so if it came to it I could go anywhere. This was also prefaced with the fact that I am not willing to rush our relationship in any way. I like the pace that everything is going. I don't want to put pressure on us just because we know that we will have to separate geographically at some point. I am willing to fight for this relationship though. This one is something pretty special and I am not willing to just let it go. This is a big deal for me to say too because I am not one of those girls who enters into relationships that often. I never give my heart away or let myself trust people. I don't really know what's going on here but with le boyfriend there has never been any question in my mind. I trust him fully without a reason and I have been slowly letting him in and it is the scariest thing I have ever done. I am just waiting for him to say "yeah sorry I can't do this" and leave me hanging, but I really believe him when he says that he doesn't want to hurt me. With that said however I refuse to drop the "L-word" because I really don't want to add that pressure. He is still getting over the break up with his ex and I want him to be able to do that on his own without having me pressuring him. Also for me the "L-word" is over used and I don't want to start using it unless I am sure. Not that I am not sure now, I am actually 100% sure but I don't want to use it and have this relationship not live up to it. The truth of the matter is that this guy is everything I could ever want in a partner and that is the scariest thing in the world. Part of me is so afraid of screwing it up that I want to run away as fast as I can just to save myself the potential hurt. I mean what if he doesn't feel the same? He said that he is happy that we had the conversation and that he is happy with the relationship and that he is scared as well, so I am thinking that we are probably on the same track, but man this is not as easy as the Disney movies make it out to be. I mean aren't we just supposed to fall in love and live happily ever after? I wish!
So after that rant about my relationship, again, I will move on. I am in day 2 of the first phase of my "get back on track" eating plan. I have been trying in the past two years to change my eating habits. I try to steer clear of processed carbs like white flour, white rice and sugar. I will of course indulge every now and then and not get too uptight about it, however since moving to France I have consumed FAR too many "bad carbs" and am beginning to look like Buddha, so I am back to the strict two weeks of eating nothing but lean meat, veggies and low-fat dairy. So far so good. I feel hungry all the time (even though I eat a lot) because my body is craving the carbs, but that should be over by Thursday when my body will re-adjust to eating real food. I am not on a diet per se because to me a diet is something you do temporarily to loose weight and this is more of a lifestyle change since I plan on carrying it with me for the rest of my life. After my body starts processing its food properly (that's why it's only two weeks of phase 1(yes yes yes it’s South Beach-esque I know)) I will reintroduce whole grains and fruit back into my diet and I will stop craving the sugar. I have done this before when I fell off track, so I am prepared for the ridiculous carb cravings and what not. I really just want to start to feel like me again and if I loose a few pounds in the process YAY!
I have also set myself some running goals. I plan on running a 5k in the spring and then a 10k in the fall. I already know that I can run 2k without stopping so it is just a matter of pushing myself a little more every day. I hope that this will help me feel like I am accomplishing something while I am here.
Well that's it for now. I am sorry for the long and perhaps a little monotonous entry, but this is where I work things out for myself and as always I appreciate all the feedback. Thanks again for reading!
Comments
Your trip to Toulouse sounds (and looks...I just checked out your pictures) wonderful! The thing I love most about Europe is that there is always somewhere new to go for a quick trip and it is so beautiful and full of culture. To say I am jelous is an understatement. :)
The talk you had with le boyfriend sounded good. Since he is leaving and neither of you really know wht you will be doing in the future taking it one day at a time is a great idea. And like you said, if things are still going strong in May you can have a long distance relationship. Lots of people do it. And who knows, maybe he will come back to France or you will go back home after you are done. There are no definite plans so nothing definite needs to be decided right now. For now, enjoy each other and have fun.