I am the world's worst person....
I suck. If guilt could kill you I would probably have died about 2 hours ago, but instead I am reliving the last 24 hours over in my head and wishing I could change it.
It all started with this e-mail:
Hey
So i know you are returning in August and we were wondering what your plans were? The Swede* and I are thinking of moving out, but are unsure if you are going to be around because we obviously still want the place downstairs, even if it is missing flooring. We have been waiting almost a year now, and even after all this time, i am still a little annoyed that a cat has priority over us. Anyway, we don't have the amount of room down here that we want and so we need to figure out what is happening before school starts in September. So can you let me know what you have planned, even if it is not set in stone. If you know you are heading off back east relatively quickly is there a chance we could move in downstairs, and you move upstairs? Is that a possibility? Well let me know what you are thinking.
Thanks Your Bro*
* names have been changed
There is a back story here. My brother and his girlfriend (The Swede) live with my parents. Last year before I left they wanted to move into the suite that I live in with my cat (in my parent's house) I freaked out and acted like a bitch and they didn't get to and my cat stayed in there. (The other reason that my cat stayed there was because at the last minute the people who had agreed to look after him for me couldn't and my parents didn't want him in any other part of the house because he ruined a part of the carpet in the suite and they were worried that he might do the same in the rest of the house.)
A week or so later I was at a party with some mutual friends when I overheard the Swede tell her friends that my parents were "slobs" and that she always had to clean up after them. I kept my boiling rage under control by some miracle but I have never trusted her or respected her since.
That however does not excuse my response to my brother's e-mail:
Wow so I really don't want to get into the "annoyed that the cat has priority over you" thing because bro you have to realize that I take priority over the Swede, and as much as I agree with you that you should have that place, it annoys ME that the Swede is looking the gift horse of FREE RENT FOR OVER A YEAR in the mouth (and I am sorry but cleaning up after people is the LEAST she can do considering what she is getting). Wow I am really pissed that the FIRST AND ONLY time you e-mail me while I am here is because you want something. I understand that the situation is unfair to you, I really do and I cannot tell you how sorry I am that you got screwed but it happened, all I can do now is come to a solution that will hopefully benefit you, however I really really don't want to hear about how annoyed you are that you and your girlfriend, are getting a raw deal, when I don't know too many parents who would have let you live in the situation that you have now. You are 25 years old, and you are old enough to live on your own, I know that you think that I am not one to talk but I moved out of the house as soon as I graduated from school and then moved back due to extraordinary circumstances that were beyond my control, then I went back to school and still paid my own way.
BUT... Believe it or not I understand that I am the bitch in the situation. I understand that I was being selfish and I didn't consider your feelings and needs when that was all going down before I left. I am really sorry that it all played out that way. I am also very sorry, that I am so unfeeling towards the Swede's situation. I understand that you are now going to school and I think that that's really great and you should now live in Mom and Dad's house so that you can save and concentrate on your studies, so again I am willing to try and find the best situation for you and Mom and Dad.
With that said, I hope to move to Montreal however due to money constraints I am not able to give you a firm date on when that will be. I cannot see Mom and Dad being willing to let Harley live upstairs so I think that you are SOL on that front. All I can say is that I hope to move to Montreal in October, but again I need money for that and I am sure that you remember what it's like coming back after being away for a year and the financial problems it causes. I have to be able to pay for the flooring in the suite too before I go, so it is going to take a while. I am happy to temporarily move into the place that you guys have now, so that Harley still has a place downstairs that we can lock him in (that way when I move you still have that room). I plan on taking my table and kitchen stuff with me to Montreal, so I am happy to pack all that stuff up as soon as I get home and clean it all up for you. I hope that is a good enough compromise for you at the moment it is the best I can offer.
I am normally not a mean or malicious person, but lately I have been so freaking catty. I really don't know what is the matter with me. I got an e-mail from my Dad today saying how dissapointed he is in me and telling me how badly I hurt both my brother and the Swede. Apparently they read the e-mail together thinking that it was something nice saying "sure bro I'll do whatever you need cause that's what I should have done in the first place, the right thing." But instead the Swede got slapped in the face with the ugliness that I wrote. What kind of person is so hurtful? Needless to say I feel terrible and have been crying steadily for about 2 hours. I have irreparably damaged my relationship with my brother one that I am not even sure he knew how much I valued. My family is the most important thing in the world to me and I have torn it apart. My brother and the Swede are now set on moving out because the Swede is so upset about the whole thing, and they can't afford it. I can't believe how badly one horrible mistake can screw things up.
I sent flowers to the Swede, but I don't expect nor deserve her forgiveness, and I am going to leave my brother alone for a few days to clear his head before I talk to him. I honestly want to crawl into a hole and die.
It all started with this e-mail:
Hey
So i know you are returning in August and we were wondering what your plans were? The Swede* and I are thinking of moving out, but are unsure if you are going to be around because we obviously still want the place downstairs, even if it is missing flooring. We have been waiting almost a year now, and even after all this time, i am still a little annoyed that a cat has priority over us. Anyway, we don't have the amount of room down here that we want and so we need to figure out what is happening before school starts in September. So can you let me know what you have planned, even if it is not set in stone. If you know you are heading off back east relatively quickly is there a chance we could move in downstairs, and you move upstairs? Is that a possibility? Well let me know what you are thinking.
Thanks Your Bro*
* names have been changed
There is a back story here. My brother and his girlfriend (The Swede) live with my parents. Last year before I left they wanted to move into the suite that I live in with my cat (in my parent's house) I freaked out and acted like a bitch and they didn't get to and my cat stayed in there. (The other reason that my cat stayed there was because at the last minute the people who had agreed to look after him for me couldn't and my parents didn't want him in any other part of the house because he ruined a part of the carpet in the suite and they were worried that he might do the same in the rest of the house.)
A week or so later I was at a party with some mutual friends when I overheard the Swede tell her friends that my parents were "slobs" and that she always had to clean up after them. I kept my boiling rage under control by some miracle but I have never trusted her or respected her since.
That however does not excuse my response to my brother's e-mail:
Wow so I really don't want to get into the "annoyed that the cat has priority over you" thing because bro you have to realize that I take priority over the Swede, and as much as I agree with you that you should have that place, it annoys ME that the Swede is looking the gift horse of FREE RENT FOR OVER A YEAR in the mouth (and I am sorry but cleaning up after people is the LEAST she can do considering what she is getting). Wow I am really pissed that the FIRST AND ONLY time you e-mail me while I am here is because you want something. I understand that the situation is unfair to you, I really do and I cannot tell you how sorry I am that you got screwed but it happened, all I can do now is come to a solution that will hopefully benefit you, however I really really don't want to hear about how annoyed you are that you and your girlfriend, are getting a raw deal, when I don't know too many parents who would have let you live in the situation that you have now. You are 25 years old, and you are old enough to live on your own, I know that you think that I am not one to talk but I moved out of the house as soon as I graduated from school and then moved back due to extraordinary circumstances that were beyond my control, then I went back to school and still paid my own way.
BUT... Believe it or not I understand that I am the bitch in the situation. I understand that I was being selfish and I didn't consider your feelings and needs when that was all going down before I left. I am really sorry that it all played out that way. I am also very sorry, that I am so unfeeling towards the Swede's situation. I understand that you are now going to school and I think that that's really great and you should now live in Mom and Dad's house so that you can save and concentrate on your studies, so again I am willing to try and find the best situation for you and Mom and Dad.
With that said, I hope to move to Montreal however due to money constraints I am not able to give you a firm date on when that will be. I cannot see Mom and Dad being willing to let Harley live upstairs so I think that you are SOL on that front. All I can say is that I hope to move to Montreal in October, but again I need money for that and I am sure that you remember what it's like coming back after being away for a year and the financial problems it causes. I have to be able to pay for the flooring in the suite too before I go, so it is going to take a while. I am happy to temporarily move into the place that you guys have now, so that Harley still has a place downstairs that we can lock him in (that way when I move you still have that room). I plan on taking my table and kitchen stuff with me to Montreal, so I am happy to pack all that stuff up as soon as I get home and clean it all up for you. I hope that is a good enough compromise for you at the moment it is the best I can offer.
I am normally not a mean or malicious person, but lately I have been so freaking catty. I really don't know what is the matter with me. I got an e-mail from my Dad today saying how dissapointed he is in me and telling me how badly I hurt both my brother and the Swede. Apparently they read the e-mail together thinking that it was something nice saying "sure bro I'll do whatever you need cause that's what I should have done in the first place, the right thing." But instead the Swede got slapped in the face with the ugliness that I wrote. What kind of person is so hurtful? Needless to say I feel terrible and have been crying steadily for about 2 hours. I have irreparably damaged my relationship with my brother one that I am not even sure he knew how much I valued. My family is the most important thing in the world to me and I have torn it apart. My brother and the Swede are now set on moving out because the Swede is so upset about the whole thing, and they can't afford it. I can't believe how badly one horrible mistake can screw things up.
I sent flowers to the Swede, but I don't expect nor deserve her forgiveness, and I am going to leave my brother alone for a few days to clear his head before I talk to him. I honestly want to crawl into a hole and die.
Comments
Sure, you may have been irrational when you left, wanting to keep your room, but your brother was a bit out of line to email you and bring that shit up again (especially if that's the only email you've gotten from him since you've been away) I'm sure if he'd been nice to you, you wouldn't bee nice to him, but instead HE sent you a catty email, and you just returned in favour.
As for your Dad, well, parents mean well, but he really should've stayed out of it. Does he know that your brothers girlfriend bad mouthed them to strangers? Does he realise that you reason for not liking or trusting her is because of that? Maybe he would think definitely if he knew, and if he does know, WHAT THE FUCK DAD? lol.
But seriously, don't feel guilty. This shit goes down all the time in families, and from my point of view, it doesn't seem like anybody was the innocent party here..
So chiiiiilll, it'll work out in the end :)
Maybe next time you should save the draft of the email and sleep on it... instead of reacting and sending right away.
Good luck with this... I hope you can repair things with your brother and even more so with his girlfriend. Manipulative girlfriends can make it incredibly difficult to have a good relationship with him... so be careful with her too!
I think you did the right thing and should not feel guilty at all. Things will work out because everyone is adult and family and this kind of stuff happens all the time.