So many people have asked me what exactly I do out here so I figured that I'd give you a brief run-down on my typical day.
I work Monday to Friday. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday go something like this:
I start work at 8am, which means that I get up at 7:50, throw on clothes and go downstairs to the family's apartment. There I do everything from getting the girls (little R, 4 Yrs old and Big R. 5 almost 6 yrs old) dressed (trust me this job is probably the toughest because they are tired and grouchy and mesmerized by the TV) to feeding the baby. Before I leave I have to make sure that the following things get done:
- Girls: dressed, fed, teeth brushed, hair brushed with their shoes and coats on ready to go - Baby: dressed, fed, clean, lunch put together (consists of 1 baby food plate, 2 yogurts and 1 compote), Coat (hat, mittens and scarf) on ready to go - Kitchen clean (clean up after the parents and the kids) - Girls' room clean (I make the beds put away all the toys etc.…
That's right I have been keeping something from you. I have been in the process of adding another member to my family. I have been waiting until things were certain before I told people.
That's right, I've bought a horse.
Her name is Kassandra, she'll be 4 this year. She's a Selle Francais (French warmblood) and Thoughoubred cross. I am actually still a bit stunned that this has actually happened.
I didn't think that I'd buy another horse after the death of my last mare two years ago. But I felt ready and I was lucky enough to have this horse in the barn that I ride at and she was for sale! So the stars aligned and I am once again the proud owner of another horse.
Please understand that I don't see myself as you may see me.
Please understand that when you joke or make fun of me I take it to heart.
Please understand that I struggle every day to find something, anything that I like about myself.
Please understand that when I speak negatively about myself I'm not looking for validation and I'm not looking for you to tell me I'm wrong. I am expressing something that I feel and believe to the very core of my being and it scares me.
Please understand that I would give anything to know what it feels like to be beautiful, to know what it feels like to be sexy, to feel desired.
Please understand that I hate being trapped in my head and I would give anything to get out, but this is where I am right now.
Please understand that I still need you in my life because I'm not sure how to make it through this alone.