My Life As You Know It

So friends it's been a while and I meant to post more often, but life just got in the way.  My experiment from my last post has been going well and I have even seen some REAL things come of it.  First off I am in the process of getting a contract with the government.  I got this opportunity by basically living my experiment.  Someone I know basically saw my new attitude and when the contract came up he nominated me for it.  So that's that... I hope ;)  Nothing is set in stone yet, so we'll have to see. Also my riding is improving dramatically, which is great seeing as that's the only real "thing" I have right now and I felt for a while like I was stagnating.  It occured to me that most of you don't really know what type of riding I do.  I do dressage.  You can see a description of it here .  Basically I train in the "classical german style"  which means that I follow the school of thought on training that come...

So last week I fell into a bit of a depression backslide.  I had a rough week.  Weeks like that are tiring physically and mentally.  For me it entails a lot of negative self talk.  I have problems seeing the bright side of anything.  It gets scary at times because I have a hard time seeing a way out of the downward spiral.  There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.  I hate it.  But I stand by what I said a few years ago, I have to make a choice.  I make a choice to get out of bed, I make a choice to get dressed, I make a choice to... well you get the picture.  I feel like I am going through the motions.  After struggling with this my whole life I know how to hide it a bit so that people may see there's something off about me but not be able to put a finger on it.  Last week I barley looked or spoke to anyone, so thath's how I knew it was a bad one. This week the fog is mostly gone, so ...

So I feel like crud today, due to an awesome migraine that dropped me on my butt earlier.  But I also feel kinda cruddy for another reason.  So for the last year I have been questioning everything about myself.  I can't seem to find anything I am "good" at, I mean I am passable at a lot of things, but not "good" at any of them.  This comes a lot from my inability to find work.  Job hunting is like constant rejection.  I hate it and it is a really huge blow to my self esteem. The one thing that I have always prided myself on is being a good friend.  When all else has failed I still had that.  Now I can't even say that.  A few of my friends have had a really rough go of it and I have just let them slide.  It's not even that I didn't care, I do, but I have this unnatural fear of saying the wrong thing, so instead of saying or doing something wrong I do nothing, which I know is worse.  What's worse than all that?  The fact t...

So I am back from an amazing week in Maui.  How I ended up there was a bit random.  My cousin called me on Tuesday (the 20th) and asked me if I wanted to go to Hawaii on Friday (the 23rd.)  Apparently my aunt forgot to check her e-mail and thus didn't realize that her week in their timeshare started on Friday.  With 4 kids 2 of which are under the age of 10 it is next to impossible to take off on three days notice.  My cousin (who's 19) wanted to go but her parents wouldn't let her go alone, so I was her only hope.  So I spoke to my husband and to my surprise I was able to go, so 72 hours after I got that call I was on a plane to Maui.  It was amazing.  I love Hawaii, I think that it is paradise and I honestly believe that it is what Heaven looks like.  I have been to Oahu many times before, but this was my first time to Maui and I just love the whole state.  Hawaii is by far my favourite place on earth. (Well so far!) In other n...

To honor the passing of our friend Hallie's son many bloggers have come together and agreed to either re-post this beautiful tribute to C.J., or write something of their own.  Unfortunately I never had the good fortune of know CJ personally so for the first time ever at "My Life as You Know It"  I pass it over to my guests Dayana and Kimmy: Written in Loving Memory of Christopher John “C.J.” Twomey on behalf of Hallie, John and Connor Twomey by Dayna and Kimmy. Words are at times, inadequate, and often hard to come by. This is the hardest thing we have ever had to write. It is with deep sadness that we tell you that on April 15th, Christopher John “C.J.” Twomey, the beloved son of Hallie and John, big brother to Connor, passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind his heart-broken family and friends. Please take a moment to read C.J.'s obituary . In the middle of all their saddness, Hallie and John were able to find the strength to write a beautiful and loving...

THAT I AM LEAVING FOR FREAKING MAUI ON FRIDAY! That is all.

I am taking a freaking long test tomorrow to qualify me for a job for the federal government.  So I need all the luck I can get. Also please keep those prayers going for the Twomey family.  They really need them.  My heart is still breaking for them and unfortunately right now this is all that I can do for them.  So please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.  Thank you!

So I am going to try blogging regularly again. How often this will happen right now, I am not too sure, but I am going to give it a try. First off I want to say that my heart and soul go out to Hallie over at Wonderful World of Wieners and her family who are dealing with the loss of their son CJ. This was unexpected and tragic and I cannot tell any of you how just unreal it seems. Even as I write this I still can't believe it. My heart still breaks for their loss. I ask all of you to just send a little prayer up for them and for CJ. As horrible as it sounds this tragedy is the reason that I decided to start blogging again. Through this I have seen how powerful the blogging world can be and I have realized how much I value and love the connections that I have made with my fellow bloggers. By giving up my blog I am severing that connection and I just can't allow that to happen. So I have a few posts that I have in draft that I will post at a later date. Hopefully this wi...

Is that wrong?

Okay I know I'm blogging, but this does not mean that I will be doing this on a regular basis. I don't think that I can blog while I feel like this. I have mentioned before that I have struggled for most of my life with depression and well that is what I am fighting right now. That's all I am going to say about it because there is a huge level of guilt and shame that comes along with these "episodes" for me. So what I do want to talk about (because the second that I "declared" that I wouldn't be blogging so many great things to blog about popped up) is reading. One thing about it being winter is that I have a lot of time to read. I have really fallen in love with the "horror" genre and I know that that makes me a huge nerd, but I DON'T CARE! :P So the following is a list and synopsis of a few series I have been reading; Kelley Harrison's "Women of the Otherworld" series This series is a lot of fun. The series starts with ...