My Life As You Know It

In the last 18 months my life has once again changed in ways I could not anticipate.  These changes fall into 2 categories (maybe 3): The good: I started an MBA program.  I am almost one year into a three-ish year program I bought a townhouse and I live in it all alone! The bad: Very suddenly and unexpectedly lost my mare. I am still recovering from that one, I have major anxiety about that almost daily. My precious little fluff muffin, Harley (my cat) developed kidney disease and a sarcoma on his jaw and had to be put down. I still miss him, all the time. I had some major professional setbacks at work. I injured myself at work, which has affected my life all around. I injured some nerves in my neck and dislocated a few ribs (do you know how easy it is to keep pulling your ribs out once they've been out once??) I haven't been working out for about the last year.  Remember all that progress I was making when I started my running journey? Well, that's all out ...

I have had this post in my drafts for over a year. This is something that I just need to get out, but I don't know how without sounding crazy or shallow.  I am not nor have I ever been pretty and that's something that consumes me every single day.  Every day I am confronted by the fact that I do not meet society's aesthetic measuring stick and it is completely draining. In a world obsessed with looks and beauty, I drew the short straw. I know this sounds dramatic and probably feels like I'm just another girl whining about her looks, but this is crippling.  I have zero confidence in my appearance and that stunts me in so many facets of my life.  I cry when I am trying to get ready to leave the house because I can't make myself look good enough.  I know that no one will ever love me because I can never meet anyone's expectations.  I silently berate myself when I'm out in the world for not trying harder.  When I'm passed over for a job or when my friend...