My Life As You Know It

Motivation

2011-12-30T22:49:00.001-05:00

I hope you never get to know "that feeling." The feeling when someone you love tells you that they have a disease that you have never heard of and that disease will eventually kill them. We don't know when, but sometime in the future that disease will take hold and that person you love will have to go into treatment probably involving them getting pumped full of chemicals and having key parts of their anatomy replaced. You know that this process will mean that they will be sick and in pain and despite this all that this treatment will do is give them time. Time, not a cure. There is no cure.

What you do at this point varies. Some cry, some get up and walk away and if you're me you sit there while every memory, every fight, every moment with them flashes through your mind, and every single thing you thought they'd be there to see becomes uncertain. You tell yourself not to cry because you don't want them to see your tears.

You spend the next weeks in disbelief. The world around you changes. I found myself getting bitter and angry. It's not fair, but no amount of wanting it to be fair or different will make it so. You cry all the time for what many people think is no reason. You're lost. You've lost control of your life and how it was supposed to be. No one is supposed to know, so you do this all in silence. Eventually you have to tell people because the secret is too much to bear and you can't stand the way people look at you.

Some people tell you that it will be alright, just think positive. You want to punch those people in the face. Others will give you that look of sheer pity and you want to scream at them "I don't want your pity!" You want your life back the way it was, that's all you want. You want a life where every thing that person you love does isn't another sign that the disease is taking hold. Every time they're tired, every time they get a nosebleed you wish that you could resist the temptation to hold your breath. All you want is for things to go back to the way they were, but they won't.

You listen to the way they talk. They talk about the future like they won't be there. They talk about their condition like it's inevitable and you want to scream at them "FIGHT DAMN IT! Don't let it get you!" But you don't and part of you feels like they've already lost. You watch as this person who was once larger than life becomes complacent in their prognosis and you get angry with them. You get angry that they aren't being more positive, more proactive, that they aren't doing all the things you know they'd tell you to do if the tables were turned. You just want them to say "I will NOT let this get me." But they don't.

You need to be able to do something. Anything to change the outcome. You would give anything to make it better, so you search and you find out more about the disease and what you can do to help.

That is what I've done. I am doing the only thing I can to keep me sane. I have raised $3100 so far in my quest to fight the disease that my loved one is facing and I will soon be strapping on my running shoes for the fight of my life, my first half marathon. I will be struggling through 21.1 kms, but that is nothing compared to what that person is struggling through and I will do this every opportunity I get until there comes a day that someone else doesn't have to get "that feeling."

Week 10 - I could never...

2011-11-17T20:51:00.000-05:00

If you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever run a half-marathon I would have looked at you like you were crazy and said "I could NEVER do that!"

Now I am running 18k and feeling great, so I started to ask myself what other things I could "never" do. Was there anything I could "never" do? I mean sure I will never be an Olympic gymnast, but I mean how many times do I tell myself that I can't do something? (Hint: A LOT) So I have decided this. From now on I will set a goal and blog about it until I achieve it. I plan on spending 2012 challenging myself to do something "I could NEVER" do. I truly believe that changing the way I think and breaking these challenges down into small achievable landmarks will help me put that thought out of my mind.

Do you want to join me? What could you "never" do? Let's do this together! We can be accountabilabuddies!

Seriously. Join me!

Week 9 - The week I need the inspiration

2011-11-05T13:42:00.004-04:00

"Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it."
-Oprah Winfrey

This week I am back on the horse, sort of. I am still having pain issues, which is resulting in some difficulty. I sat for an hour with the phone number of the physiotherapist on my phone terrified to press send. Well now I have a goal for next week.

As running becomes part of my routine it is still tough and some days I really need a boost, hence the fact that I have decided to dedicate this post to inspirational quotes. Besides that great quote from Lady O, here are a few more of my favorites:

"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'" - Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start."
-John Bingham

"Remember that the feeling that you get from a good run is far better than the feeling that you get from sitting on the couch wishing you were running." - Sarah Condor

"If you want to become the best runner you can be, start now. Don't spend the rest of your life wondering if you can do it." - Pricilla Welsh

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run." - Another great one from John Bingham

And one more:

Have a great week! I'm heading out for a 16k!

Week 8: The week where things start to get tough

2011-10-26T22:39:00.001-04:00

So I know that I have been all pumped over the last 8 weeks talking about how great things are going and they have. This week however I am going to talk a little bit about the hard parts.

So first there's the pain. I have CRAZY bad pain in my left knee, which I am pretty sure is largely due to the fact that I have a flat foot because I broke my ankle when I was 16 and I have a screw in there to this day. Basically when my foot flattened it put my whole left side out of alignment and now I get really bad knee and hip pain. I have to start going to physio to deal with this, but I am afraid to call because I hate having to speak French on the phone.

The next pain is the lovely muscle pain. After running (well running for 10 mins and walking for 1) for two and a half hours one is not just going to stretch and be good to go. It hurts and I can't walk up and down stairs. The muscle fatigue lasts for a few days and that is not much fun either.

Cramps, oh do I get cramps, both in my sides and in my legs when I stop running. I am trying to figure out what amount of salt I need to make sure that that doesn't happen, as nothing is more painful then going to stretch out your quad and having your hamstring cramp up.

Besides just the pain there's the mental. Some days I just don't want to run. I get on the treadmill or head out and I am sooo not into it. The words of death "I can't" repeat themselves over and over again in my head and I start to believe it. The run gets harder and I just want to quit.

Then I have days when I freak out and worry that I won't be able to do it. Those days are just tough.

Finally, sometimes I just get BORED! How hard is it to run when I am bored. That is my motivation zapper. Nothing knocks me back more than boredom. Sometimes I look at my distance and I can't even believe that I have so far left to go. Sometimes I even feel like just giving up and going home.

BUT despite all that, the pain, the mental crap and the boredom I am still keeping with it because nothing is as important to me as this cause. Nothing is as bad as sitting on my couch doing nothing. No pain is as bad for me as the pain of giving up. So I will truck on, knee pain, cramps and all... and yes I may even one day get over my fear of talking on the telephone!

Running update: Week 7

2011-10-17T23:46:00.001-04:00

So the running is going well, surprisingly. I did my second 16k run yesterday in just over 2 hours. I am happy to say that with that I am on track to do the full 21.1k in 2 hours 45, which is my goal. This is VERY slow, but I never had any allusions about being fast! To be perfectly honest I am pretty sure that I could run the full 21kms right now at this slow pace and that to me is insane! I am not a runner, but I am now running for 2 hours and feel amazing afterwards!

If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be doing this, I would have told them they were nuts. I never would have thought that I would have the motivation and drive to get this done, but now I am doing it and truth be told I am actually enjoying seeing how hard I can push myself.

This week's runs look a little something like this:
Tuesday - Tempo 6k
Thursday - Hills (Boo!)
Saturday - Steady 6k
Sunday Long slow 18k (yay another 2k!)

The fundraising is going slowly and this is making me a bit stressed. I am about a third of the way there, which is great, but I still have a long way to go. I am trying to organize a craft fair at my barn in Vancouver, and I am also selling 50/50 tickets, so I am hoping that those will prove profitable. Also I am asking all you bloggers to please give my blog a shout out. I know that many of you are not able to help me financially, but any awareness you can bring to my race is much appreciated. After all you never know who will be reading or who will be able to help. I sincerely thank you in advance for any help you can give. :)

The start of my weekly updates: Week 6

2011-10-07T13:21:00.000-04:00

So I am still in training for my half-marathon and it's going. Not going great, just going. I have been having really bad knee pain that has been completely destroying my ability to train. To combat that I am going to start going to physio and we have bought a treadmill, which is really helping to take the impact off my knee. So I am keeping at it.

I am still waiting for the weight to start to come off, as I am feeling a little gross. I can attribute that to the amount of baking I have been doing and the fact that I have not been making a lot of dinners and buying a lot of meals on the go.

On the plus side we just had a conference call with a nutritionist (one of the many benefits of the Team in Training Program! :)) and we found out that we're doing a lot right! She spoke a bit about mineral content in foods and how organic food tends to be grown in more mineral-rich soil, which means that it isn't as mineral depleted as a lot of other commercially-grown food. This made me feel pretty good, as we have been eating a lot of home-grown produce over the summer and now into the fall we are enjoying butternut squash and pumpkin from our garden!

Another thing that I found really interesting was that she was telling us about greens, like spinach, kale and chard and how they help restore the alkalinity to the body and how that creates an unfavorable environment for viruses and even cancer! I am super excited about this as we have been eating a lot of salad and spinach already and I even bought some swiss chard last week just to try something different.

Carbohydrates are hugely important for us seeing as we are training for an endurance event and eating complex carbs is not too difficult for us as I switched us over to brown rice and whole grain breads a while ago, much to my husband's dismay. My problem now is getting over the stigma that I have attached to carbs and realize that I NEED them to do what I am trying to do! I mean 21.1km is a long way to go and I can't do it if I am not fulled properly... I have a bad feeling that I may become one of those annoying "oh you should totally add [x] to your diet. It will change your life!" I am already thinking about starting my day with healthy smoothies (with berries, greens powder and plain yogurt. yum right?) where does it end?

Now I know that everyone says this, but I really really mean it if I can do this, ANYONE CAN. I know that things seem a little overwhelming, but there are easy programs that you can find online to help get you up and moving. I have gone from someone who couldn't run a mile to being able to jog 6 miles. I promise you, you can do it if you want to. I honestly believe that this is true for anything... oh gosh listen to me I obviously drank the punch... I am going to stop now... See you next week!

Half-Marathon Training Week 5

2011-09-26T20:48:00.000-04:00

So I am in the thick of things and running 4 times a week to help the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. It is hard and I am not going to lie I am struggling a bit, as I have a bad knee and it keeps acting up, but I will keep at it. I NEED to keep at it for my sanity!

Lots of people ask me what my training schedule it like, so I thought I would share a snapshot of what's up this week:
Monday - off
Tuesday - Tempo 6k (Meaning I run it a little faster than my race pace, so for me it is like turtle pace instead of snail pace ha ha ha)
Wednesday - X-train (YOGA!)
Thursday - Hills (run 800m up hill 7 times, plus a 2k warm up and 1k cool down. I am not going to lie I hate Thursdays!)
Friday - off (This is my only real off day as I ride and/or play softball all the other days)
Saturday - Steady 6k
Sunday - Long Slow 14k (I also hate Sundays)

So that's what my running week looks like. I have started to listen to audiobooks as I run instead of music in hopes that I will get wrapped up in the book and then forget that I am running. I will let you know how that goes...

I have to say though that the hardest part of this for me is the fundraising, not the running. I have to raise a minimum of $3100 to do the run, and with the tough economic times getting donations is a huge effort. I am hoping to get a bit of help through my blog. What I am hoping is that you will share my story with your bloggers and maybe even my sponsorship page and encourage your readers to do the same. This way I can hopefully get the word out to as many people as possible.

This would be much easier if I could tell you the real reason I am doing this, but that's not my story to tell. Let's just say that I am running in honor of someone that I care about. Also I am running in honor of a good friend who beat Lymphoma as a kid. She was my next door neighbor, and I vividly remember the day that her Mom told us that she would be undergoing treatment. I can still see her face with her bald little head peering out at us through her front window when she wasn't allowed to play outside and how she excitedly told me that her hair could grow back curly (it didn't, but she is one of the most beautiful girls I know, inside and out.) As I said this story has a happy ending as she beat her cancer and is now an adult and will be getting married this year! I feel very lucky to have that hope to keep me motivated.

Just so you know; there are over 90,000 people living with, or in remission from, a blood cancer in Canada and 15,920 Canadians will be diagnosed with a blood cancer in 2011, which equates to someone every 33 minutes. Also 6,950 Canadians will die from a blood cancer this year; or one person every 76 minutes. If you think about it, this means that blood cancer will more than likely touch you in some way or another, if it hasn’t already. Sponsoring me, or helping me is a way for you to help aid in research to hopefully get us closer to a cure!

So ANYWAY if you could please all check out my website here and share it with everyone you know. Also if anyone can help me put a button or something on the side over there --->

I would really appreciate it. I am sooooo internet illiterate!

Thank you guys all in advance for your support! I believe in the power of the blog. I have $2490 to raise by December and I need HELP!

Where do I start?

2011-08-26T13:32:00.000-04:00

So I haven't been around in a while. Stuff has been happening, most of it out of my control and none of it I can talk about. What I can talk about is that I have been stressed out and super depressed. Until today I have not felt rested in about 2 months. I have lost my appetite, but am not losing weight. I cry randomly almost unprovoked, and I am not a crier. The rest of the time I put on a happy face and go on with my life. But it hasn't been working.

You see this "thing" that is happening isn't happening to me exactly, and the person it is happening to hasn't exactly told many people, so until this person does (and I hope it is never because they won't tell anyone until they NEED to and I REALLY hope they never NEED to) I am not going to say who or what I am talking about. Confusing right? Yeah well I have a secret and it is killing me.

The few people I have told have told me to "think positive" because it could never turn into an issue. But I can tell you what they unknown is very scary and when faced with it and when you can do nothing about it, it is very difficult to just be positive and forget it.

So as I said until today I hadn't felt rested in a long time. Today that changed because yesterday I found something to do. It won't help with this situation exactly, but it will help other people in a different, but no less scary situation. I have decided to join Team in Training with my husband. I am going to train for a half-marathon (my husband will do a full marathon) and raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. The best part is that the run that we're going to try to do is the "Walt Disney World Marathon Weekend!" I mean how fun is that? Not only do I get to set a goal, but I get to do it in a place that I have been DYING to go since I moved to this side of the country!

I am so not a runner, but I am in pretty good shape, so I am not too sure if I will walk or run, but Team in Training provides coaches and mentors to help us, so they will be able to tell me what I reasonable goal is. A half-marathon is something I never thought I could or would even want to do, but I have learned over the last few months that life is short, sometimes a lot shorter than it should be and instead of lamenting over the fact that I am due to turn 30 in a week, I should push myself to achieve the impossible. So I have something to blog about now, and I will try to keep on it. Let's see if a non-runner really can become a half-marathon runner!

My newest obsession

2011-03-21T18:54:00.000-04:00

I recently started doing Bikram yoga and, I am not going to lie, it has turned into an obsession. I really love it! As many of you know I have been a little shall we say dissatisfied with my appearance as of late and I really wanted to shake things up and try to get out of this funk, so when a new Bikram's studio opened 15 mins from my house I decided to give it a try. I was scared out of my mind the first time as I have heard so many conflicting things about Bikram's, but I swallowed my fear and gave it a try and I am so glad that I did.

Bikram's is hot yoga (practiced in a 40 degree Celsius room with 40% humidity) so I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it, but I read up about it and heard that you should go15 mins early to get accustomed to the heat and that helped a lot. Now when I go and I am walking up to the room and I feel the heat coming from under the door it instantly calms me. I love warmth and nothing could be better to snap me out of my winter blahs than spending 90 mins sweating my ass off!

Another concern I had was that every class is a multi-level class, so I was worried that I would feel like a moron, but it is not like that at all. You spend so much time focused on yourself and pushing yourself beyond YOUR limits that you forget what everyone else is doing. Actually the few times that my concentration has lapsed I've seen that I am never alone when I loose my balance or can't push through a pose. It was especially worrying for me because I have a screw in my ankle and a bad hip, which limit me in a lot of ways. For an example the Supta Vajrasana or Fixed firm pose you have to sit kneeling with your hips between your knees (your butt on the floor) and that was next to IMPOSSIBLE for me as my ankle hasn't been able to bend like that in about 15 years (since I broke it and had my surgery.) After doing yoga 3 times a week for the last month I can not only sit with my butt on the floor, but I can actually do the full pose! (there's a pic here) It takes a bit of pain... okay some days a LOT of pain, but I improve every class!

I am not a person who like surprises and I like this style of yoga because it is always the same. I know going in which poses I am going to do an in which order, so I feel more secure. I think it's good for beginners too because we are able to master the 26 poses over time. The instructors always encourage us to go at our own pace and to focus on ourselves and our limits.

Yoga is hard. Simple as that it's an hour and a half of strength training and stretching. You have to push through pain and fatigue and honestly through a lot of sweat, but once that 90 mins is up and you come out of your final Shavasana - Corpse pose you feel like you've really accomplished something. I am always in a good mood when I am done no matter how crappy my day was or whether or not I was able to achieve my goals for that class (my next goal is to hold the standing bow and standing head to knee poses for the entire count all four times.)

Ironically with this all said I am actually skipping class tonight, but I am sure that I will be able to make it up later in the week! :)

Don't judge me

2011-02-18T23:11:00.007-05:00

I am going to warn you straight off the bat. This post is going to offend some people. I don't mean it to, but you can never have this discussion and NOT offend someone.

With that said I will get on with my post.

I have a large extended family. My dad's side are catholic and all that that entails, so he had 7 brothers and sisters, and each of them has at least one kid, so I have 18 cousins on my Dad's side alone. Anyway we are mostly a very close group. There are 4 noteable exceptions, one due to family circumstances and the other three due to the death of one of my uncles when I was very young. I have been reunited with all of them in my adult life and that was great. Well it was sort of great. A few years ago the kids of my late uncle (well calling them kids is a bit of a misnomer, seeing as the two older ones were in their 30's with 2 kids apiece) came to stay with us so that they could spend time with my grandparents (the cousins were from the next province over.) I was ecstatic to have them in town, as family is very important to me, and I took them out to show them the city. I thought that we had a nice time catching up etc., but later when I was getting off work I called my parents' house to see what the plan was for the night and I heard them bad mouthing my driving and my car in the background. Needless to say I was upset and offended. The visit did not end well (although in their defence they did give an attempt at apologizing, although it was a feeble one) and I really haven't been on great terms with them ever since.

Well one of those cousins has just gotten herself a Facebook account and on that account is a blog address. I made the mistake of clicking on it, since I am a blogger too I thought we could maybe find some level ground. Oh was I EVER wrong. She has discovered Jesus, which I think is awesome.  The problem I have is with her post on discovering her cousins on Facebook. She basically says that she has stayed away from us since she never felt like she belonged (she calls us "those people" a bit too.) Which I find a bit annoying because we are anything but exclusive. She then goes on to say that "not one [of us, to her] knowledge follows Jesus." Like somehow THAT is an excuse. This is even more annoying because a more recent post of hers says that she's not an "out there" Christian and she has the gaul to judge us because she doesn't know us to be Christian?  Let's face it she doesn't KNOW us at all! Not only that, but the only events she's been at are weddings, which have all been Catholic weddings! Arg and then there is this quote "I am staying in touch with my family by simply knowing their life, but I am not sharing mine. You might also notice that my Facebook page is not here on my blog. You too may be shocked by my family. So I am keeping you away from them as well! I'm living somewhat of a double life." So I feel judged and hurt all over again.

So here comes the controversy. I am Christian, I have no problem admitting that to anyone. I have a personal relationship with God that for me does not involve a church. In my youth I tried so hard to find a Church where I felt like I belonged and who helped me strengthen my bond with God. I didn't find one, but I found a lot of churches that made me question why I would even want to be a Christian. I was told that the world was ending by then end of that year (1997), I was told that God was going to spit me out, I was told my parents were going to hell and so on and so on. So in my quest to understand God I turned to an unlikely source a secular University. I took one course in particular that changed my life. In Origins of Christianity I studied Christianity from the days before Jesus (Genesis) to the years following his death. My professor talked about things that are historically proven that angered a lot of the people in my class (such as the fact that the only Gospel that COULD have been written first hand was that of Matthew and even that is questionable.) He taught us about the gospels that didn't make it into the bible. He taught the class like an atheist and I ate it up because NONE of that ever made my faith falter, not even a millimeter. Through that class I saw the God that I knew existed. I got to re-read the Bible and study it in detail and make up my own mind based on both academic and religious interpretations. I loved it. The last day of class that professor stood in front of the class and announced that he was a dedicated Mennonite. He, like myself has been able to learn about God without the influence of a church, it was a powerful moment for me and I have never forgotten it. I know God.  I pray all the time and I turn to him in times of turmoil. I believe that we have to listen to God and he will always show us the way. It may not be clear all the time, but when it's not I know that I need to listen harder. I think we forget that sometimes, that we need to shut up and listen. I am not perfect, but I do try to be my best.

What upsets me about my cousin and people like her is that I always feel like my relationship with God isn't good enough for them. I feel judged and I am sick of being told about my soul and where it's going. I believe that only God can judge me, and although I do not mind "being called out" if I am doing something wrong I will not allow someone to tell me that I am inherently good or inherently evil. It is not up to me to judge others and I do not want to be judged. I am also sick of the ecclesiastical "one uppmanship." So many talk about the importance of knowing God, but then they tell you that you don't know him right.

Secondly I don't like the way that people who claim to be Christians feel as though it gives them a free pass to look down on others and to do as they please.  I have another family member who goes to Church multiple times per week, host bible studies and preaches like a pastor on Sunday, but then she takes money from her elderly mother and then blames her sister. I know this is an extreme example, but I see way too many people who don't practice what they preach.  Jesus taught us love and by judging others and looking down on them I don't think that we're really listening to God, we're letting pride get in the way.

HOWEVER I would also like to mention that I know many amazing Christians who just want to share God's love. Those who support you in your journey and who always want to share it with you. My intent with this post was not to speak badly of all Christians because I truly believe that the majority of us are doing our best.

As I said, I know that I am by no means perfect and I will never pretend to be, but I do my best to be the best me that I can. This is something that has bothered me for a long time. It is one thing to be judged by total strangers and another to be judged by your family.

"Stats"

2011-02-13T22:07:00.000-05:00

Have you guys checked out the "stats" option? I just did and I am not going to lie I freaked out a bit. I have traffic coming from Eastern Europe, Asia and the Middle East (including Iran!) Since this blog is mainly about my life I am not going to lie it freaked me out a bit. It made me wonder if I should close this blog and start up a more anonymous one... What do you guys think? (Not that anyone reads this anymore!) :P

New addition

2011-02-05T17:04:00.000-05:00

That's right I have been keeping something from you. I have been in the process of adding another member to my family. I have been waiting until things were certain before I told people.

That's right, I've bought a horse.

Her name is Kassandra, she'll be 4 this year. She's a Selle Francais (French warmblood) and Thoughoubred cross. I am actually still a bit stunned that this has actually happened.

I didn't think that I'd buy another horse after the death of my last mare two years ago. But I felt ready and I was lucky enough to have this horse in the barn that I ride at and she was for sale! So the stars aligned and I am once again the proud owner of another horse.

Day 30 - A dream for the future

2011-02-02T17:42:00.001-05:00

I want to get my Masters. I have always wanted to go to Grad school, but unfortunately I didn't apply myself enough in my undergrad. I didn't do poorly in my undergrad, but I didn't quite do well enough for Grad school. Now however I am older and know what I need to do, so hopefully I will be able to do it!

It also helps that I am not working in the indusrty that I want to study. I am working right now in health policy in dealing with climate change. I want to study how the Canadian government is going to deal with the impending changes they will have to make in dealing with the probable public health challenges that are on the horizon from vector-borne disease and chronic disease.

That's my dream for the future.

I'm a geek.

I did 30 days! :) Only two slip-ups! :D

Day 29 - Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

2011-02-01T19:49:00.000-05:00

I want to move back the the West Coast. Seriously that is my only hope and dream. I want to go back to the place where my life makes sense. Oh how I want to go home so so so badly.

My plan is this:
1) Find husbnd job on West Coast (Aerospace Engineering job)
2) Move to West Coast
3) Be happy again

I will add more late but right now I have to run! Ciao!

Day 28 - What's in your purse

2011-01-31T22:43:00.000-05:00

Okay here goes:

- Wallet
- Sunglasses in case
- 2 packets of Gum - Both Mint of some kind
- Coach change purse with MAC Lipglass in Viva Glam VI, MAC Lipstick in Dubonet and C.O. Bigalow Lemon Lip Cream
- Numerous recipts
- Blue Ant Bluetooth ear piece
- Sephora foldong mirror
- 1 pen
- Lululemon change purse with Gift cards for Lululemon, Sephora and Starbucks
- HUMPHREY!

- My Camera

- Knitting needles (size 8) and 2 balls of yard (I went on a road trip this weekend)

- Jar of Advil liqui-gels

- Bus passes

- Feminine products.
- Bic ballpoint pen - Blue
- Cheque book
- Card for my husb's nephew that I need to mail... Whoops!

That's it! :D

Day 27 - Your worst habit

2011-01-30T22:53:00.000-05:00

This is a tough one for me, as I am a Virgo and I am incredibly critical of myself and as far as I am concerned all my habits are bad ha ha ha. But maybe that in itself is my worst habit. I put myself down ALL THE TIME! I am so so so critical of myself it's ridiculous.

Nothing is ever good enough for me. I can never reach high enough and I can never do good enough. There is rarely an occasion when I am comfortable saying something positive about myself, and I know that is bad. A few years ago after I got the rug pulled out from underneath me by an ex-boyfriend my Dad made me go see a therapist and she tried to make me say three good things about myself and I almost couldn't do it. In the end I told her what she wanted to hear and never went back. I felt stupid.

I have tried to figure out where all this negativity comes from, but I can sort of understand where my lack of confidence comes from. I was teased incessantly as a child. Nothing I could do or say was ever good enough for the other kids in my class. No amount of kindness, or cookies or anything was good enough. I was too short, I had hairy arms, my clothes weren't right etc etc.

Oh and I have always been "fat." One memory my grandma always shared with me was me turning to her when I was four and telling her that my five year old cousin told me I was fat. My dance instructor told me I had too much flab, my Mom used to tell me that the clothes I wanted to wear "didn't fit my body type." Needless to say self-confidence has never been my strong suit.

I have always measured myself by others' standards, and I have never and probably will never meet up to my own. I am on a neurotic quest for perfection and I can not accept that I will never get there.

So there you have it, my dirty laundry, my worst habit is picking myself apart. Blah I feel dirty. ha ha ha

Day 25 - Your week in great detail

2011-01-29T21:51:00.000-05:00

I am veto-ing this post and inserting another topic - My favourite cartoon as a child.

My favourite cartoon character was Rainbow Brite. That girl had it all; great friends, cute sprites and a rad horse. I used to collect the dolls and I had RB and Lala Orange. I got the latter one at my Mom's work Christmas party. I was so excited, and a little jealous of the girl who got the Patty O'Green doll (looking back I realize that Lala had WAY better fashion sense.)

Oh man I loved this show! I loved it so so much as a kid that my aunt made me a Rainbow Brite cake for my birthday. She worked for hours on that thing. I am pretty sure that it looked a bit like this:

So it was pretty labour intensive. The problem was that we never got to eat it cause the servers of the restautraunt that we went to dropped it on the floor, and then tried to feed it to us. Needless to say my family was so pissed we all packed up and left. I still remember this clearly and I was only 6. We didn't even pay (there were like 20 of us, I have a big family.)

Annyyyywaaaay. When I was 6 Rainbow Brite was the shit. I used to love going to my friend's house and put in her RB costume. We'd act out the stories on tape (she'd be the horse ha ha ha) and put on shows for her parents. I'm not going to lie, I wanted to be Rainbow brite.

Day 25 - Your day in great detail

2011-01-28T21:31:00.001-05:00

7:30 - My husband gets up
7:45 - My husband kisses me goodbye
8:00 - My alarm goes off
8:30 - I actually get up, do my makeup, get dressed
8:45 - Feed the dog and take her out to go potty
9:00 - Make Lunch - Spinach salad with carrots and red peppers, strawberry yogurt, an apple and a tangelo... Oh and about 12 dark chocolate m&ms
9:10 - Eat breakfast - Cheeios
9:20 - Take the dog out again
9:45 - Put dog in her playpen and leave
9:50 - Clean up the playpen after puppy goes poop just to spite me
9:55 - FINALLY get into the car and head to work
10:15 - get gas (Petro Canada)
10:30 - Get to work (get a SWEET parking spot)
10:35 - Get to my cubicle and boot up my computer
10:40 - Figure out my Internet isn't working, check all the cables, reboot my computer then head off to find the IT wizards
10:45 - IT wizards no where to be found
10:50 - start trying to work only to realize that EVERYTHING I do needs Internet
10:55 - Go talk to P, who then signs me in to the University wifi
11:00 - Start to sign into Lotus notes
11:10 - Still waiting for Lotus notes
11:20 - Finally sign in find out that I have a million e-mails. Thankfully they're mostly about the same thing, so I only have a few things that I need to take action on
11:40 - Finish all my e-mail action items and start on the longest report ever
12:15 - Someone brings fried chicken into the office and I silently curse them - decide to eat my salad
12:20 - Make the mistake of updating my FB status on my blackberry, only to be reminded that 7 years ago today my cousin lost her battle with cancer. Almost start to cry,
12:30 - continue work on my report - eat my yogurt
12:45 - get booted off wifi, have to get P to re-log in
13:00 - get an e-mail from my Mom entitled "Dad's Okay" - Have a little heart attack
13:01 - read e-mail to find out that my dad got hit by a car while he was riding his bike (he's fine, soft tissue damage in his shoulder, scrapes and lots of bruising. Bike and helmet totaled) decide to eat my m&ms
13:30 - send out a couple of text messages, one cancelling my plans for tonight (I no longer feel like going out) the other answering a text I got from my riding coach
13:45 - More report
14:30 - Reply to my Mom, e-mail my husband to let him know what's going on
14:35 - More report - lots of research and translating
17:00 - Get booted off Wifi again, can't log back in
17:15 - P comes to talk about action items for next few weeks, we talk about horses (His wife is my riding coach)
17:30 - finally able to get back on to Internet - send out e-mails, finish section of report
17:50 - Decide to go home - pack up
18:10 - Head back to car drive home - call husband (using my bluetooth headset) spend the rest of the ride home being told periodically "battery extremely low, please recharge headset"
18:45 - get home, change into sweatpants watch HIMYM on my PVR
19:20 - Warm up leftovers and watch Jersey Shore on my computer
19:30 - Husband gets home with puppy
20:00 - log on to FB reply to a message (from a certain CP)
20:30 - decide to make hot chocolate
20:45 - decide to put Grand Marnier in my hot chocolate
21:00 - Enjoy hot chocolate and write this blog post.
21:30 - Now! (Finish blog post)

BTW I may have to fudge another post tomorrow as I have to go out of town for my sis-in-law's b-day.

Day 24 - Where You Live

2011-01-27T17:43:00.001-05:00

I live in a cute town in the crappiest province in the first nation of hockey. (I would argue it's the greatest country in the world!)

Canada is pretty much summed up as follows:

"Hey,

I'm not a lumberjack, or a Fur trader,
and I don't live in an igloo,
or eat blubber
or own a dogsled.

And I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a prime minister... not a president,
I speak English and French, not American
and I pronounce it About, not A-boot.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack,
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing,
diversity not assimilation,
and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.

A toque is a hat,
a chesterfield is a couch,
and it IS pronounced Zed,
not Zee... ZED!!

Canada is the 2nd largest land mass,

the 1st nation of hockey,

and the best part of North America.

My name is Joe...

and...I......AM......CANADIAN!

Thank you"

Oh did I mention we like our beer here? That was from a beer commercial back in the 90's. lol

I am proud to be Canadian, although that does not mean that I have anything against other countries and I can FULLY understand why others love where they live too! :)

I live in a country with 2 official languages, that has always had universal healthcare (although it may not be that efficient.) The birthplace of Michael J Fox, Sarah McLachlan, Leaonard Cohen, Frank Gehry, Ryan Gosling, Rachael McAdams... (I could go on.) Home of some of the most spectacular scenery in the world. A country who gained its independence (in practice not in law) through peaceful means and whose peacekeeping record is renowned (my father-in-law wore the blue Beret.) I feel blessed every day to have been born in a country that encourages me to be my best, and cares for those who have been at their worst. We may not be perfect, but I am always proud to be Canadian.

Thank you.

Day 23 - A Youtube Video

2011-01-26T17:06:00.002-05:00

Whoops so I fell asleep at like 8 last night, so I didn't post... oh well I am going to cheat and fake the date so no one will know...

So my Youtube video is a clip of one of my FAVE shows Top Gear. It's awesomeness will speak for itself. (The real magic is at 7:16 - classic Top Gear)

Day 22 - A Website

2011-01-25T17:59:00.000-05:00

Okay so this one was actually pretty easy for me! I visit foodnetwork.ca RELIGIOUSLY! I love to cook and bake and so this is where I turn where I want to get creative.

I love that whenever I need inspiration I have thousands of recipes at my fingertips! I'm not afraid to make pizza dough, risotto and fondant au chocolat cause now I can just watch a video when I get stuck!

My favourite hosts are Laura Calder of French Food at Home and Giada! :)

I would love to be a food network host, but I lack the culinary training to make everything look easy. Maybe I'll try one day and post my creation here. hmmmmmmmm.

Day 21 - A recipe

2011-01-24T16:46:00.000-05:00

My recipe today is for red beans and rice. I am not a vegetarian, but that does not mean that I feel that I need to eat meat at every meal. The rice and beans combine to create a complete protein, so I find it a very satisfying meal. I make a big batch and then eat it for the rest of the week.

(This recipe comes from "It's just food")

1 Tbsp. (15 mL) olive or canola oil

1 onion, peeled and chopped

4 cloves garlic, crushed

2 19 oz. (540 mL) cans red kidney beans, undrained

1 14 oz. (398 mL) can of diced or stewed tomatoes or 1 cup (250 mL) chicken or veggie broth, tomato juice or water

2 bay leaves

1 Tbsp. (15 mL) thyme

2 tsp. (10 mL) oregano

2 tsp. (10 mL) salt

1/2-1 tsp. (2.5-5 mL) pepper

1/2 tsp. (2.5 mL) garlic powder

1/4 tsp. (1 mL) allspice

1/4 tsp. (1 mL) ground cloves

1 tsp. (5 mL) Tabasco sauce

1-1.5 cups uncooked rice (white or brown)

Heat the oil in a large saucepan or Dutch oven set over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic and sauté for about 8 minutes, until the onion starts to turn golden. Add the beans, water, rice herbs and spices and simmer for 30-45 minutes, until the mixture is thick. (Add a little extra water if it’s too thick, or if the rice isn't cooked.) Scoop out the bay leaves and serve.

You can also add (as I do) extra veggies like peppers, or other beans. I like to clear out my veggie drawer when I make it ha ha ha.

Enjoy! :)

Day 20 - A Hobby

2011-01-23T22:11:00.000-05:00

My latest hobby is knitting. I picked it up about a year ago when my friend taught me how to do the basic stitches, knit and purl. Since then I have learned a few different patterns and I have recently started my first "real" project, a Gryffindor scarf!

As you can see I am not very far along yet, but I am hoping to have it done by the time part 2 of the Deathly Hollows comes out!

For those of you who are interested it's k1p1 for 43 for 37 rows in maroon then 6 gold then, 6 maroon, then 6 gold - repeat w/ the 37 rows of maroon.

Oh and no the tension is not too bad, but it looks tight because of how it's draped over my leg.

Day 19 - A Talent

2011-01-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

Okay here's the thing, I am not really "talented" at anything. There is nothing that I do that I can stand back and look at and say "wow I am really good at that." So I am sorry friends, but I almost can't do this post. I have been racking my brain all freaking day and I can not come up with anything. I am an "okay" cook, I used to be a decent enough singer, I am a mediocre horseback rider... That's it. So I am defering this post for a few days. I'll come back to it when I find something I am talented at.

Sorry, I'm lame.

Day 18 - My wedding

2011-01-21T18:56:00.001-05:00

Most people will tell you that their wedding day was the best day of their lives and blah blah blah. For me not so much. I would not have another wedding for a million dollars. I hated my wedding, not because it was a bad wedding, quite the contrary most people who were there told me that it was one of the funnest wedding that they've been to. You see the problem was that I am not the "bride" type. I do not like attention, I do not like a lot of pictures taken of me and I do not like to have to "make the rounds."

Why then did I have a wedding? One word - Mom. My mother wanted the wedding, I wanted to elope in the Caribbean. So alas my dream of a barefoot ceremony attended by only our parents turned into the 80 person wedding that I had always dreaded. Actually I shouldn't say that, I had always dreaded getting married in a church and then having a reception in a hotel or golf club.

We got married at the beach, and invited only our immediate family. Officiated by the amazing and hilarious Brent Sheppard. Our wedding was pretty laid back.

Then we had the reception in a tent at a heritage house just off the beach. We had only a few speeches, and pretty much tried to stress the "party" part, not the formalities much to the dismay of certain members of our family.

I designed and made the centrepieces

Our colours were turquoise and brown in case you hadn't guessed. We had the BEST photographers (Kat and Dan from Stonephoto.) We also had an amazing cake (that we didn't to get eat :( cause it was all gone... my wedding planner didn't believe me when I said my family liked cake.)

Our wedding party was AWE-SOME and consisted of my 2 best friends from H.S., my husband's twin bro and his friend from Uni.

The food was amazing (canuel caterers) and the DJ was bar none the best I have ever heard. He kept the dance floor going all night!

Yes it may have seemed amazing to the outsider and honestly were I a guest I probably would have LOVED it (and gotten a piece of cake) but alas I spent my whole night being pulled in a million different directions, never getting to enjoy it. Whoever tells you "it's your day" is a liar. That's my two cents.

Never again.

Day 17 - A piece of art

2011-01-20T08:41:00.000-05:00

Sorry guys, today's post is going to be a little light too cause it's 8pm and I already feel like I am going to fall asleep. My favourite piece of art, well my fave painting anyway is "Still Life With 3 Puppies" by Gauguin. This was one of the first paintings I ever really "loved" and I discovered it because of an art project I had to do in the 4th grade.

My 4th grade teacher was an artist a HUGE art buff (she later became my high school art teacher.) She had us do a lot of art projects, one of which was to choose an artist and we had to re-create some of their art, learn about them and then do a talk show interview as the artist. I chose Gauguin (as I said this teacher was a huge art lover and she exposed us to EVERYTHING from Monet to Dahli to Picasso and everything in between.) This was one of the few paintings that I re-did (I don't have it any more, but I wish I did!)

Anyway the painting is a MoMA and if I ever get to NYC that is on my priority list. (I did see some of his works in the Musee d'Orsay while I lived in Paris, so that will have to tide me over until then.)

Isn't it cute?

I do tend to lean towards the post-impressionists, as I am also a big fan of Van Gogh. My appreciation of van Gogh comes largely from that same teacher as another one of her projects for us was to re-create "The Bedroom" in soft pastels. This project took us MONTHS and by the end we had all spent so much time with the print (of the painting) that we could almost reach out an touch the furniture. Anyway that painting I really did get to see at Musee d'Orsay and I am not going to lie, I wasn't expecting it to be there and it sort of took my breath away.

I am also a huge sucker for Starry Night, as it reminds me so much of the small towns I visited in France. (As it should it is Saint-Remy!) Anyway, that's all for me today folks, oh and I am re-doing part of my post yesterday cause it kinda sucked, so if you read yesterday you can read the better version today! :)

Day 16 - A Song That Makes You Cry (or nearly) (HALLIE I FORBID YOU TO READ THIS POST!!! I MEAN IT!)

2011-01-19T18:29:00.007-05:00

Seriously, I don't think that Hallie still reads my blog, but just in case I don't think that this is a good post for her to read cause I don't want her to have any more reasons to cry. I love you Hallie. xoxoxoxoxoxo

This is the first song that came to mind:

One More Day is probably the song that makes me cry the most often. I don't even know what else to say about it, it's a heartbreaking song. Honestly I think about people I've lost, and even animals I've lost.

I have dreams sometimes where someone I've lost (or my old dog) is there and I have a moment, when I know they shouldn't be there and I wish and wish and wish that I won't wake up so that I can spend a bit more time with them. (Okay I am even getting a little watery-eyed right now thinking about it, so I'm going to stop.) Enjoy the song guys! :)

Day 15 - Your Dream House

2011-01-18T18:40:00.001-05:00

Well this one is easy for me! My dream house would be a house with a beach and mountain view like you can get on the West coast. I definitely love a more "modern classic" look with warm and "homey" touches. I tend to like clean lines and neutral colors with crisp and bold accents. Actually this house is my dream house. It was a prize home about 5 or 6 years ago and I fell in love. Granted the kitchen is a little too country for my taste, but the scope and grandure of the space made me drool. They also don't show you the full master suite! It had an AMAZING closet! The view was amazing too!

I tend to like the Frech-style house exterior amd this one fits the bill.

I love Sarah Richardson (she designed my dream house) to me she can do no wrong. My dream house (even if it isn't THAT one) would have to be designed by her. As I go through her portfolio I fall more and more in love... She just seems to be able to define clean and comfort in every room. To me her style is inviting without being frumpy and I just love it.

I also would like a house without much of a yard. I hate hate hate yard work. I do not need a huge yard, or a lot of trees. That house I showed before had a teeny yard, perfect for my puppy, but not so big that I spend half of my summer trying to keep on top of it. (Plus who needs a yard when you have three huge decks with killer views? not me!)

Well sorry this post is so short, but I've got to get to Dodgeball! I have a double-header tonight! :)

Day 14 - A Non-fiction Book

2011-01-17T19:44:00.001-05:00

I have read many non-fiction books over the last little while and so this was another tough one, but I chose a book that really made me look at my world just a little differently.

Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way We Make Things is a book I borrowed from a friend a few years ago. It was written by Michael Braungart, a German chemist and William McDonough, an American architect and has to do with the "cradle to grave" mentality that comes with consumer products. Everything we make from paper to steel has a shelf life and will eventually become waste. Think about it, everything we have from our shoes to our homes will eventually become garbage. Even when we recycle we are only delaying the inevitable, as everytime we "recycle" something the material degrades. (They use the term "downcycling" in the book.) A little depressing isn't it?

Well it's not all doom and gloom. McDonough and Braungart are proponents of the "cradle to cradle" system of manufacturing which means that everything is "upcycled" ie at the end of a product's life cycle it will either become biological nutrients - meaning they can re-enter the environment or technical nutrients - meaning the materials remain within a closed loop cycle. One example they used was that of a shoe that is designed and mass produced using the C2C model. The sole might be made of "biological nutrients" while the upper parts might be made of "technical nutrients." The shoe is mass produced at a manufacturing plant that utilises its waste material by putting it back into the cycle; an example of this is using off-cuts from the rubber soles to make more soles instead of merely disposing of them (this is dependent on the technical materials not losing their quality as they are reused). Once the shoes have been manufactured, they are distributed to retail outlets where the customer buys the shoe at a fraction of the price they would normally pay for a shoe of comparable aspects; the customer is only paying for the use of the materials in the shoe for the period of time that they will be using the shoe. When they outgrow the shoe or it is damaged, they return it to the manufacturer. When the manufacturer separates the sole from the upper parts (separating the technical and biological nutrients), the biological nutrients are returned to the natural environment while the technical nutrients are used to create the sole of another shoe.[1]

The book itself isn't made of paper, it is instead made of polymers that can be upcycled (into technical nutrients) and it is also waterproof! :) It is a thought provoking book that does more than tell us that we're all greedy consumers that are destroying the planet, it gives us a way out. All that's left is for the world to listen.

Day... 13? - A Ficitional Book

2011-01-16T18:43:00.000-05:00

So I decided to write this post about the last book that I read. The last book I read was Waking the Witch by Kelley Armstrong, which just so happens to be the latest book in my FAVOURITE series!

The rear cover of the book says:

"The orphaned daughter of a sorcerer and a half-demon, Savannah is a terrifyingly powerful young witch who has never been able to resist the chance to throw her magical weight around. But at 21 she knows she needs to grow up and prove to her guardians, Paige and Lucas, that she can be a responsible member of their supernatural detective agency. So she jumps at the chance to fly solo, investigating the mysterious deaths of three young women in a nearby factory town as a favour to one of the agency’s associates. At first glance, the murders look garden-variety human, but on closer inspection signs point to otherworldly stakes.

Soon Savannah is in over her head. She’s run off the road and nearly killed, haunted by a mystery stalker, and freaked out when the brother of one of the dead women is murdered when he tries to investigate the crime. To complicate things, something weird is happening to her powers. Pitted against shamans, demons, a voodoo-inflected cult and garden-variety goons, Savannah has to fight to ensure her first case isn’t her last. And she also has to ask for help, perhaps the hardest lesson she’s ever had to learn."

Okay so the one thing that bothers me about this description is the way they describe Savannah's lineage as being half-demon and sorcerer, but her Mom (Eve Levine) was a witch and a half-demon, so THAT is why she's a witch. This book was great. I am so happy to learn more about Savannah, who we meet as a child in book 2 (I don't want to say any more for fear of ruining it for anyone who wants to read the series.) Savannah has grown to be her own person and a lot more well adjusted than one would think considering her history.

Some have said that this book is a little shallow, but I don't think so. What I can say about it is that it really feels like what I call a "bridge book" a book that is really a set up to the next book, which I can't wait to read! But I can understand how those that don't know much about the series would feel a little lost and may in turn interpret the book differently.

The thing that I love about this series is how it is so character-driven. You really get a good feel for all of the main characters and since the narrator changes from book to book you get a good feel for how each character interpreted or felt about each event. It is a fun series and I just love it.

Day 12 - Something You Are OCD About

2011-01-15T14:44:00.000-05:00

I am OCD about a lot of things. But according to my husband the one that I am worst about is laundry folding. I am not the greatest laundry folder, but I like to have it done a certain way.

The towels need to be folded in half (bisecting the long side) and then folded in half again (bisecting the short side) and then folding one end to the middle and then the other on top of that so that you can put them away without a raw edge showing (I put it to the back.) However this is only true of bath sheets and bath towels as hand towels are folded only using the first two steps. I have been known to re-fold all of my towels if my husband does it wrong.

Shirts need to be folded so that there are no wrinkles in the sleeves and that they have the correct shape when they're done. It irks me soooo much when they're not folded correctly... grrrrrrr.

So that just one of the many things I am OCD about. Others include, food, food preparation and the proper use of cleaning products. Yeah I am a bit tightly wound!

Day 11 - A Photo Taken of You Recently

2011-01-14T23:52:00.001-05:00

Fewf I almost missed today! So I have been avoiding the camera lately as I am not happy with how I look at the moment, so this is a tough one for me, but I did my best.

This is pretty much typical of most pictures taken of me recently, well this or me with a deranged expression on my face. I have actually lost about 10lbs recently, but all the pictures of me still have me looking gross, so as I said I am avoiding cameras.

This picture was taken last summer at a friend's apartment in Paris. We visited there as part of our trip to Europe for my brother's wedding. It's funny going back to Paris, it feels like going home. It hasn't lost that sparkle, but there's also something very familiar about it. This building is actually where my now husband (then boyfriend) lived, so it was nice to go back to where it all began... now I am thinking that we should have gone back to the bar where it REALLY all began, but oh well! It is hard not to laugh sort of when you see pictures of people in the places you used to (or still do) live. Whenever I see people take those touristy pictures of Paris I take on a French attitude and turn all snobby, which is ironic seeing as I have some too. To me Paris feels like "mine." Maybe because besides the friends that I made there I am the only one of my friends to live there and I can't explain it I have this irrational possessiveness that comes over me about it. It's almost like I feel that people can go to Paris to visit, but it will never be a part of them as it is a part of me I don't know. Silly I know, but I feel like I know Paris' secrets, I can feel her pulse. Anyway going to Paris this summer was magic, we spent most of our time hanging out with friends drinking apparos and wine. C'est la vie ca!

On an unrelated note, I am SO sick of hearing about this horoscope change thing. I have heard and read many conflicting things like it is only supposed to affect those born after 2009 and it has to do with the Eastern Astrological calendar or whatever. Regardless I have a tattoo of my astrological sign on my wrist and I keep getting flack for it. Do I go up to someone with a tramp stamp and give them a hard time? no! A tattoo is your own personal choice, we all have reasons for the ones we have mine is to remind myself to not be so critical of myself and others and to allow myself to let go every now and then. I personally fit being a Virgo to a T. So no matter what some scientist or Astrologer says I am not going to regret getting my tattoo, so shut the hell up about it or I may start to question you about the crappy body art you have!

Oh and as of today I have officially blogged more in January then I did in the whole of 2010!

Day 10 - A Photo Taken of You Over 10 Years Ago

2011-01-13T18:44:00.000-05:00

Surprise surprise it's another animal. This is Rusty. He was the first pony that I half-leased. This photo makes me laugh because that shirt was by Westbeach, and at the time Westbeach was the big brand and I was so happy that I got it, but it was SOOOO big! ha ha ha.

Also the halter and leadrope that Rusty is wearing was my 13th birthday present.

Rusty was such a good pony. He belonged to my coach as a child, and when I was riding him he was already in his 20's and he lived until he was in his late 30's!!! (By then he was OLD, in pain and unhappy. He was put down very peacefully in a field with my coach, his owner for over 30 years, by his side and he was then burried on the property, so he's always close.) This pony had such a big personality, he was "the king" of ponies and he was the boss of all the boys in the field. Once we took him on a trail ride to the beach and he got bored so he threw his rider and galloped home. He was the first pony that I cantered on, the first pony that I jumped and the first pony that I showed on and even won a ribbon!

Some of my happiest memories are from riding and Rusty is in many of them! I miss this pony, he was the best!

Day 9 - A Photo You Took

2011-01-12T19:01:00.000-05:00

I am not going to lie, this was not my first choice picture, but as I couldn't find my other one I had to fall back on this one.

This is not a particularly great picture, but then again I am not a particularly skilled photographer :P

I took this picture while I was on Maui this past year, and truthfully it sums up my trip. I love Hawaii, it is paradise. That's about all I can say about that. Maui is fantastic, the people are amazing, the scenery is breathtaking and the beaches are to die for ANNNNDDD I am going back in August!!!!!!! YAY My very dear Aussie friend is marrying her very sweet American fiance in Hawaii and I am going!!!! (Okay my husband and I are going!) The best part is that it will be my ummm probably 10th time going and it will be my husband's first time, so I get to live it like it is my first time too! EEEPPP! Surfing!!!!!!! Snorkeling!!!! EEEEEPPPPPP!

I am very lucky travel-wise :)

Day 8 - A Photo of Something that makes you sad / mad

2011-01-11T18:46:00.000-05:00

So originally I was going to take this in another direction, but then I read a post that my friend Crazy Princess posted on her blog (here) and realized that she said it better than I ever could. So here's my picutre:

This is me and my mare Viva. When I moved to the East I chose to leave her in the West over the winter, so that she wouldn't have to be transported in the winter. My intention was always to bring her here in the spring when the weather was nicer and the roads would be better.

However, as they always say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Right before my first Christmas in the East she got hurt in her field and since no one was riding her (I couldn't find a half-boarder for her before I left) no one knows how long she was hurt before they noticed. She had a very small (like hypodermic needle small) puncture in her hock (the backwards knee on their back legs) that went all the way to the joint and her joint capsule was infected. The barn in the West got her on antibiotics right away, but she wasn't getting any better. She was in so much pain that she couldn't walk and normally she would just lay down. When I went home for Christmas and found out about her injury I raced to the barn and was surpried since she seemed a lot more upbeat than they had been telling me. She was alert and standing and even putting weight on her injured leg! I couldn't believe it, I was sure that she'd pull through. I was sad because I was pretty sure that she'd never be a riding horse again, but as long as she wasn't in too much pain and happy I could give her away as a companion horse. I visited her every day while I was home and although she wasn't great she was a lot better than she had been, so reluctantly returned to the East as scheduled after Christmas comfortable in the fact that she'd make a recovery and then I could work on re-homing her.

I was wrong. Shortly after I left she took a nose dive and wouldn't even stand up. That April we made the decision to have her put down. I felt I had let her down and I couldn't even make the trip out to be with her while she was put down. I have never felt more guilty and more of a failure. I abandoned that horse. She may have pulled through if she was properly motivated and if her partner hadn't left her on her own.

So this picture makes me sad because she was the best partner I could ask for and I let her down.

Day 7- Something about a photo that makes you smile

2011-01-10T16:22:00.000-05:00

Okay so I may have cheated a little, but come on these photos are priceless. My poor fur children. They look so upset like they're saying "what have I done to deserve this?" As many of you can guess I dressed them up in hopes of getting a picture to make into a holiday card, but whenever we got them close this happened...

Yes that is Willow attacking Harley (she doesn't seem to understand that he is not another puppy.)

So then I decided to take picutres of them alone in hopes of using some photoshop magic, but then I realized that I am photoshop illiterate and so that didn't work. But fear not fur children because your struggle was not in vain as I have now found a use for these photos! (Something tells me they don't feel any better...)

Day 6 - My 20 favourite thing

2011-01-09T18:43:00.000-05:00

I feel like Oprah (my fellow "O" namer!)

You all get a PEPPERONNNNNNNNNI PIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (No not so much?)

Well in that case here are my 20 favourite things in no particular order:

1. Grande non-fat, no foam, no water Chai lattes from Starbucks. (and yes my friends all those modifications are necessary for my enjoyment of the drink.)

2. Prego Spahghetti Sauce Original (Yeah I know it's probably full of chemicals blah blah blah, but in a pinch it's AWE-SOME)

3. Levis Boyfriend Skinny Jeans (YAY Skinny jeans that fit my body type!)

4. Ariat Heritage Paddock boots (They're the only paddock boots I'll wear)

5. Movies

6. Chapters/ Indigo (bookstore = Love)

7. Banana Republic Martin Fit Pants (They have petite sizes for us short people and they fit SOOO well!)

8. Hagen-Daaz Dark Chocolate and Raspberry Ice cream (mmmmmm soooooo goood...)

9. My new Black Berry Torch (I LOVE that thing!)

10. The internet (I'd be lost without it!)

11. My iPod (There's so much I couldn't do without it! Plus it's purple!)

12. Purple (The colour, it's my favourite)

12. The Food Network

13. My Kitchenaid Professional 600 Mixer (Ohhhh how I love you. Let me count the ways...)

14. MAC make-up (It's so pigmented that you don't need to use much)

15. Hunter Wellies (These are the most comfortable wellies EVER and if they're good enough for the queen...)

16. Lululemon (Well I like a lot of their stuff like the tanks and bras are amazing!)

18. PONIES! (You knew this one was going to pop up!)

19. OPI nail polish (So many great colors and it lasts so long!)

20. My fur children Harley and Willow. (The only kids I will ever need)

Runners up - Wii and sleep.

6 day! Can you believe it? I can't! lol

Day 5 - Your favourite quote

2011-01-08T14:19:00.000-05:00

This one for me is actually easy. (FINALLY! lol)

"In the end we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

It always amazes me how true this quote can be. I first came across it in high school when I was being bullied and it always made me so mad that my "friends" would never come to my aid. Mind you that was mostly beacuse they were worried about getting the forces of evil turned on them.

Later in life I realized that this is something that carries with us throughout our lives. I mean we're sort of always taught to "stay out of it" so when we see stuff going on we hesitate to get involved. The truth of this quote stands true however. I remember when I was in a somewhat emotionally, shall we say unhealthy, relationship and my friends all saw it. They saw how I was being treated and they were affraid to say anything. When we finally broke up 5 years later people were so quick to tell me how they saw it the whole time and how they weren't sure why I had stayed with him etc. Meanwhile I was thinking "Then why did you leave me alone in that situation? Why did you never say anything?" In the end it was not my ex's words that have stayed with me, but the fact that no one felt it was their place to help get me out.

So it is with this quote in mind that I always will step up and say something to the kids bullying the other kid on the bus, or tell my friend when someone isn't treating her right. This does not mean that I am going to get in her face and tell her her significant other is a douche bag, but I will open up the conversation in case there's something she wants to talk about. I refuse to be the silent friend.

Woo hoo I actually did this right for once! As per CP's request, here's a pic of my newest addition. Her name is Willow and she's 4.5 months old.

See you all tomorrow!

Day 4 - Your Favourite Book

2011-01-07T19:09:00.000-05:00

Wow Day 4 already?

So as far as books go, I read a lot, but I am not too sure which book, if any, I would call my favourite. There are series that I love, but not one particular book...

My favourite series is the Women of the Otherworld series, by Kelley Armstrong. I like her books because she switches her narrators up all the time (mostly from book to book, but occasionally within a book as well) so you get different perspectives on their world. Because of that I feel that the characters are richer and are more relatable (well as much as you can relate to werewolves, witches and half demons...) Anyway, if I was on a deserted island I would definitely want this series with me.

My favourite book right now is Puppies for Dummies, as I have recently adopted a puppy and am going through the trying process of trying to raise her without her destroying my house. Seriously what was I thinking?

When I was younger (as in in elementary school) my favourite book was Number the Stars. It's about a 10 year old girl living in Denmark during the Second World War. Her family helps her best friend's family (who are Jewish) escape to Sweden. It's a lovely story told through the eyes of a child about a time when people, in the face of so much horror, were willing to risk their lives for their neighbors.

I keep feeling like these are cop-out posts. I mean I know that I am sick and all, but I feel like I can either be brief or write a novel and I am just not up to the latter. See you tomorrow!

Day 3 - Your Favourite TV Show

2011-01-06T16:43:00.000-05:00

Guess what? I have more than one TV show too! :)

Odette's Top 5 Current TV Shows

5. Top Gear - British humor at it's best! I love this show, it is SO freaking funny. Basically it's a BBC show that's supposed to be about cars, and it is, but it's so much more. They do challenges every episode which can be anything from racing the TGV through France to making a car into a space shuttle. If you've never seen it, even if you don't like cars, watch it.

4. Big Bang Theory - I love this show and it's not just because I can relate to the characters (my husband is an aerospace engineer and our "group" here used to consist of two physicists and a mathematician) but it is smart as well as being funny. My husband and our friends all knew someone in University like Sheldon and although none are as nerdy as he is, my husband WILL point out when they make a mistake in one of their equations.

3. The Amazing Race and Top Chef (tie) - As far as reality TV goes I think that these two are the best. Amazing Race is fun and gives people an interesting perspective on other cultures. Top Chef is in this list because it is a constant source of inspiration. The contestants pour their hearts and souls into their craft and you can truly see cooking as an art.

2. 30 Rock - This show is hilarious. That's it. Tina Fey is awesome, Alec Baldwin is awesome and hell they even have Matt Damon as a recurring character. The live show was great! ("Is it a surprise party? Cause I was totally in on it. It was very expensive!") This is the one show that never fails to deliver for me. I very much love it.

1. Modern Family - Manny is the BEST!!!! At first I was very resistant to watching this show, as I am resistant to anything that gets too much hype, but I finally caved and it has been SOOOO worth it! It's just awesome.

Runner up - How I Met Your Mother - I would have included this show in my top 5, but I hate Ted. The guy is annoying as crud and he's a bit of a jerk. With that said however, the rest of the cast is awesome! My fave episode has to be the one where Robin can't decide whether she is Canadian or American and winds up in Canada after a crazy night at the "Hoser Hut." Long story short Barney ends up getting beat up by a kid at Tim Hortons (for you American readers, Tim Hortons is a Canadian institution, like Dunkin Donuts.) I should mention that I am not a fan of how the show last weekend ended, that show is supposed to be funny, not sad.

Odette's Top 5 Older Shows (aka cancelled shows)

5. Friends
4. Star Trek - All of 'em (ha ha ha I'm a huge nerd)
3. Dead Like Me
2. Alias
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

So that's 3 days and going strong! Yay for me! Sorry these posts all seem a little abrupt, but I am still fighting this cold/flu thing that is going around and I have next to no energy. Hope everything is good in your corner of the world!

Day 2 - Favourite Movie

2011-01-05T18:39:00.000-05:00

Okay so once again I cannot honestly be expected to pick just ONE! I love movies, big time so picking one movie would be almost impossible for me, so we're going to try the genres again! (Oh boy!)

Favourite New Movie- Star Trek

What can I say? I love the Star Trek franchise, I love the casting (Simon Pegg as Scottie? Genius!) and I love the story. I watch that movie over and over and I am constantly saying "I love this part" throughout the whole thing. JJ Abrams you had me at USS Kelvin.

Favourite Old Movie - Sabrina

I am SUCH a huge Bogie fan. I mean how many people can express that much emotion without changing their expression? I also love Ms. Hepburn especially in this movie. When she comes back from Paris and David can't figure out who she is, it's just a great moment. I am super tired and so I won't go into the ins and outs of why I love this movie so much but if you want to discuss it let me know.

Favourite Brainless Entertainment Movie - ANCHORMAN!

"Oh Audrey - I look like hell! I got bags under my eyes. What's that? Well if you were a man, I'd punch you. Punch you right in the mouth. That's bush. Bush league. YOU HEAR ME? AUDREY! LOOK AT ME! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Alright?" "And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego." "The following is based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed." "I love lamp." "Not so fast, you ingrates. Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials, no mercy. " I could go on

Favourite Movie to watch with the husband - tie: Ocean's (11-13), True Lies and Lethal Weapon (all 4)

Okay I admit it I am a HUGE action movie fan (last two... errr 5.) I have loved these movies for as long as I can remember. The one liners, who can beat that? nothing says "start Christmas" for me more than Die Hard (runner up.) I just love those movies. True Lies is HILARIOUS Tom Arnold makes that movie ("You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry." "So your life's in the crapper. So you wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!") Lethal Weapon is just ridiculous, I mean seriously how 80's can you get? But that's why I love it! The Ocean's movies, well they're funny and a little bit smart. 'Nuff said (catch the reference to 13?)

Favourite Christmas Movie - A Muppet Christmas Carol (Runners up: Elf, Miracle on 34th St and Love Actually)

The Muppets are awesome. I seriously love this movie. It's not Christmas for me unless I have seen it and I almost included the score in yesterday's post on music, in fact I am currently humming the song that the Ghost of Christmas Present sings. Ahhh Michael Caine you made an amazing Scrooge!

Kay well folks that's all I got for ya for now. I am exhausted from trying to get over a stupid cold/flu and being back to work. So I will see y'all tomorrow!

Challenge Day 1 - Your favourite song

2011-01-04T20:39:00.000-05:00

(***Disclaimer I have crappy taste in music, but this is my blog so deal with it.)
Okay first off, anyone who knows me knows that I am as indecisive as they come, SO I have decided to divide this into categories:

Favourite down in the dumps song:
Fix you - Coldplay
Okay so this is the best song hands down when you are feeling like crap. I mean what is more depressing than that song?

Favourite song to get over it:
Get Over It (Duh) - The Eagles
Love the Eagles 'nuff said.

Favourite Musical Score:
Tie Les Mis and The Wiz (runner up Wicked)
What can I say? They are AWESOME!

Favourite Karaoke Song:
Don't Stop Believing - Journey
I liked this song BEFORE Glee thank you very much!

Favourite 90's song:
Mr. Jones - Counting Crows
This song brings me back to the greatest summers of my life with the best friends a girl could ask for AND ponies! I worked at the barn throughout my childhood and summers were the best! One of the girls was OBSESSED with Adam from the Counting Crows (right around the time he was dating Jennifer Aniston) and so this became almost like a theme song.

Favourite 80's song:
Bon Jovi
That's it. I love Bon Jovi... well 80's Bon Jovi anyway.

Okay so that's all I can think of for now... I'm employed FINALLY so I have work to do! Maybe I'll revisit this topic later, but for now that's all I got.

The 30 day Challenge

2011-01-03T21:10:00.000-05:00

Okay so I am "borrowing" this from my good friend Crazy Princess in hopes of jump starting my blogging.

The deal is that I will do one post a day on the topics listed below. I am hoping that I will gain a little more motivation to blog... we'll see. I am treating this like my weight. If I mess up I will put the set back behind me and soldier on. (Also I'll try not to cheat and do like 3 at once and then schedule the post lol)

Here's the list:
Day 1 – your favorite song

Day 2 – your favorite movie

Day 3 – your favorite television program

Day 4 – your favorite book

Day 5 – your favorite quote

Day 6 – 20 of your favorite things

Day 7 – a photo that makes you happy

Day 8 – a photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 9 – a photo you took

Day 10 – a photo taken over 10 years ago of you

Day 11 – a photo of you recently

Day 12 – something you are OCD about

Day 13 – a fictional book

Day 14 – a non-fictional book

Day 15 – your dream house

Day 16 – a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 17 – an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)

Day 18 – your wedding/future wedding/past wedding

Day 19 – a talent of yours

Day 20 – a hobby of yours

Day 21 – a recipe

Day 22 – a website

Day 23 – a YouTube video

Day 24 – where you live

Day 25 – your day, in great detail

Day 26 – your week, in great detail

Day 27 – your worst habit

Day 28 – whats in your handbag/purse

Day 29 – hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Day 30 – a dream for the future

So here's to the next 30 days. Hopefully I will make it! :)

Update

2010-08-18T20:38:00.002-04:00

So friends it's been a while and I meant to post more often, but life just got in the way. My experiment from my last post has been going well and I have even seen some REAL things come of it. First off I am in the process of getting a contract with the government. I got this opportunity by basically living my experiment. Someone I know basically saw my new attitude and when the contract came up he nominated me for it. So that's that... I hope ;) Nothing is set in stone yet, so we'll have to see.

Also my riding is improving dramatically, which is great seeing as that's the only real "thing" I have right now and I felt for a while like I was stagnating. It occured to me that most of you don't really know what type of riding I do. I do dressage. You can see a description of it here. Basically I train in the "classical german style" which means that I follow the school of thought on training that comes out of Germany. (I can get more technical if you like...) Here's a video of my coach's coach Belinda Trussell, who is one of the top riders in Canada. What you're seeing in the video is a freestyle which is dressage done to music. I obviously don't do that level, but maybe one day.

I didn't show this year because I didn't feel I was ready, but next year I am hoping to start showing again. Dressage competition is divided into "levels" it starts with "training level" and goes up to grand prix, which is what you saw Belinda demonstrate so well in the video. Next year I will be doing second level (which strangely enough is actually the third level...)

Anywhoo that's all I got for now. Much love xo

A Small Experiment

2010-05-30T15:14:00.000-04:00

So last week I fell into a bit of a depression backslide. I had a rough week. Weeks like that are tiring physically and mentally. For me it entails a lot of negative self talk. I have problems seeing the bright side of anything. It gets scary at times because I have a hard time seeing a way out of the downward spiral. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I hate it. But I stand by what I said a few years ago, I have to make a choice. I make a choice to get out of bed, I make a choice to get dressed, I make a choice to... well you get the picture. I feel like I am going through the motions. After struggling with this my whole life I know how to hide it a bit so that people may see there's something off about me but not be able to put a finger on it. Last week I barley looked or spoke to anyone, so thath's how I knew it was a bad one.

This week the fog is mostly gone, so things are more or less back to normal. I'm still drained, but the light is back. So my experiment is this. I am going to try for one day to not allow a negative comment to escape my lips. I am also going to TRY to make sure that I don't allow any negative comment to go unchallenged in my head. After I make it one day, I'll try the next day and so on, basically it is a way of changing the way I think but slowly. By looking at it in the short term I am not putting too much pressure on myself to change overnight. I did this a few years ago and I was doing really well... until circumstances in my life (three people in my life died within a short period of time) caused me to regress. So this time I am going to go as long as I can again. I know that I may not be 100% successful everyday, but the key is to focus on the successes and not the slips.

I'll let you know how it all goes! :D

Survey says...

2010-05-12T22:18:00.001-04:00

So I feel like crud today, due to an awesome migraine that dropped me on my butt earlier. But I also feel kinda cruddy for another reason. So for the last year I have been questioning everything about myself. I can't seem to find anything I am "good" at, I mean I am passable at a lot of things, but not "good" at any of them. This comes a lot from my inability to find work. Job hunting is like constant rejection. I hate it and it is a really huge blow to my self esteem.

The one thing that I have always prided myself on is being a good friend. When all else has failed I still had that. Now I can't even say that. A few of my friends have had a really rough go of it and I have just let them slide. It's not even that I didn't care, I do, but I have this unnatural fear of saying the wrong thing, so instead of saying or doing something wrong I do nothing, which I know is worse. What's worse than all that? The fact that I feel like even talking about this makes it all about me, which is not what I want, I just want help! I want to know your opinion. What do you say to someone you care about when you know that they're having a hard time? When you know that nothing you're saying is ever going to be good enough, never going to make things any easier? Do you put an insane amount of pressure on yourself to say the "right" thing? Or am I just nuts?

Any help you can provide would be most appreciated.

Snail Mail

2010-05-05T22:45:00.000-04:00

So I am back from an amazing week in Maui. How I ended up there was a bit random. My cousin called me on Tuesday (the 20th) and asked me if I wanted to go to Hawaii on Friday (the 23rd.) Apparently my aunt forgot to check her e-mail and thus didn't realize that her week in their timeshare started on Friday. With 4 kids 2 of which are under the age of 10 it is next to impossible to take off on three days notice. My cousin (who's 19) wanted to go but her parents wouldn't let her go alone, so I was her only hope. So I spoke to my husband and to my surprise I was able to go, so 72 hours after I got that call I was on a plane to Maui. It was amazing. I love Hawaii, I think that it is paradise and I honestly believe that it is what Heaven looks like. I have been to Oahu many times before, but this was my first time to Maui and I just love the whole state. Hawaii is by far my favourite place on earth. (Well so far!)

In other news, I have been feeling a little bit disconnected lately. I feel like there are some things that I want to share with people, but doing so through the likes of e-mail and Facebook just seem far too impersonal. So I am trying to get back in to the art of letter writting and snail mail. You know what I am discovering? It's DAMN hard! I have sent a few of the most awkward letters to a few people. I sit down to write a letter by hand and I find myself being so formal. What is it about writing a letter by hand that makes it so difficult? I don't know if it's that I am putting pressure on myself and that is making it difficult, or if snail mail really is a lost art. I will continue to work on it, but for those of you who recieve those awkward first letters, forgive me I promise I'll get better!

I am in the middle of a CRAZY week, so that is all I have for now, but let's chat again soon!

C.J., YOU WILL FOREVER BE MISSED...

2010-04-23T07:00:00.002-04:00

To honor the passing of our friend Hallie's son many bloggers have come together and agreed to either re-post this beautiful tribute to C.J., or write something of their own. Unfortunately I never had the good fortune of know CJ personally so for the first time ever at "My Life as You Know It" I pass it over to my guests Dayana and Kimmy:

Written in Loving Memory of
Christopher John “C.J.” Twomey
on behalf of Hallie, John and Connor Twomey
by Dayna and Kimmy.

Words are at times, inadequate, and often hard to come by. This is the hardest thing we have ever had to write. It is with deep sadness that we tell you that on April 15th, Christopher John “C.J.” Twomey, the beloved son of Hallie and John, big brother to Connor, passed away unexpectedly, leaving behind his heart-broken family and friends.

Please take a moment to read C.J.'s obituary. In the middle of all their saddness, Hallie and John were able to find the strength to write a beautiful and loving tribute to their amazing son.

Those who loved C.J. are left to miss his infectious smile, to wish to hold him again, to have him saunter into a room and make us all laugh. We wish we could talk to him, to watch him love the way that he did, with his whole heart. In short, those who loved C.J. are longing for the future we were all supposed to have with him. Hallie and John are heart-broken, are struggling to understand the events of the past week and are focusing on making sure their son Connor, who has shown grace and maturity well beyond his 16 years, knows and feels the love of his parents at this very difficult time.

Hallie, John and Connor have received an overwhelming amount of support over the last week from friends nearby who have stood with them through horrific circumstances, to the calls of support and the messages sent through text, email, Facebook and many other mediums. They know that so many of you are hurting as well.

Even in the mist of incomprehensible pain, Hallie and John continue to think of others. Despite their own pain, they remembered the pain of Hallie’s dad as he was waiting for a heart and became a recipient himself. In C.J.'s final hours, Hallie and John made the heroic decision to donate his organs. This week, 56 families felt the joy of hope for their family, even in the darkest moments for C.J.’s family.

Many have asked what they can do for the family and we have thought of a few suggestions:

1. Pray for comfort. Hallie, John, Connor and their extended family have pain that is indescribable; please offer up prayers that comfort can come to them.

2. Continue to send messages of support. The messages of support they have received mean more than they can express right now. Messages sent through Facebook, her Blog, or for those who have the ability, text messages of support are appreciated. While they are not able to respond, they are reading them, and it does lift them in support when one more step or one more breath seems like it’s just too much to take.

3. Make a donation. Kimmy and I have set up a fund called the "Twomey Family Benefit” for the family to use as they see fit – for funeral expenses, for a memorial for C.J. or maybe even to just be able to get away as a family and spend time grieving the loss of their beloved son. Many of us felt the need to do SOMETHING, and being far away, and knowing that we can't take away the emotional burden, this felt like something we could do to help.

If you are inclined to make a donation, you can simply walk it into any TD Bank and ask to make a donation to the "Twomey Family Benefit" (these exact words must be used). If, however, you do not have a TD Bank near you (as they are only located on the East Coast) you can simply mail a check to:
TD Bank
200 US Route 1
Falmouth, ME
04105

The checks should be made payable to the: “Twomey Family Benefit” and should also include those exact words in the memo line of the check.

Any questions can be directed to Kimmy at: kimmy@maine.rr.com

We know that this time, for all of us, is shocking and difficult to comprehend a life cut so short. We hope and pray that you can take a moment to hold those you love tight, tell them you love them and cherish every moment.

Love like C.J. did, with his whole heart, and give to others freely.

May we all find comfort...

Dayna & Kimmy

So I found out yesterday...

2010-04-21T21:05:00.000-04:00

THAT I AM LEAVING FOR FREAKING MAUI ON FRIDAY!

That is all.

Wish me luck!

2010-04-19T22:06:00.001-04:00

I am taking a freaking long test tomorrow to qualify me for a job for the federal government. So I need all the luck I can get.

Also please keep those prayers going for the Twomey family. They really need them. My heart is still breaking for them and unfortunately right now this is all that I can do for them. So please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you!

Okay I am going to try to do this again

2010-04-17T22:20:00.003-04:00

So I am going to try blogging regularly again. How often this will happen right now, I am not too sure, but I am going to give it a try.

First off I want to say that my heart and soul go out to Hallie over at Wonderful World of Wieners and her family who are dealing with the loss of their son CJ. This was unexpected and tragic and I cannot tell any of you how just unreal it seems. Even as I write this I still can't believe it. My heart still breaks for their loss. I ask all of you to just send a little prayer up for them and for CJ.

As horrible as it sounds this tragedy is the reason that I decided to start blogging again. Through this I have seen how powerful the blogging world can be and I have realized how much I value and love the connections that I have made with my fellow bloggers. By giving up my blog I am severing that connection and I just can't allow that to happen.

So I have a few posts that I have in draft that I will post at a later date. Hopefully this will help some of you understand what has been going on in my life lately and why I took a hiatus from my blog. Some great things have been happening in my little corner of the world. I have made friends (YES FRIENDS!) in Montreal, I have been riding up a storm and I am volunteering at the SPCA (Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Animals.)

So the plan for this blog is to give a bit more of myself. The one thing that I keep saying in my job hunt is that I have so much to offer is only someone would give me the chance. Well I have the chance here, and although I may not share my ideas for improving productivity or retention in a workplace with all of you, I can share my recipes, decorating ideas and interesting stories.

So what do you say, do you want to take this journey with me?

This is SOOO me...

2010-03-04T14:46:00.001-05:00

Is that wrong?

I'm not "back"

2010-02-18T14:32:00.003-05:00

Okay I know I'm blogging, but this does not mean that I will be doing this on a regular basis. I don't think that I can blog while I feel like this. I have mentioned before that I have struggled for most of my life with depression and well that is what I am fighting right now. That's all I am going to say about it because there is a huge level of guilt and shame that comes along with these "episodes" for me.

So what I do want to talk about (because the second that I "declared" that I wouldn't be blogging so many great things to blog about popped up) is reading.

One thing about it being winter is that I have a lot of time to read. I have really fallen in love with the "horror" genre and I know that that makes me a huge nerd, but I DON'T CARE! :P

So the following is a list and synopsis of a few series I have been reading;

Kelley Harrison's "Women of the Otherworld" series

This series is a lot of fun. The series starts with "Bitten" a story told by narrator Elena, who is the only known female werewolf. (She was "bitten" by her ex-boyfriend.) It's a great introduction to the Wolf Pack and the world in which she lives. Elena actually has no idea that there are any other supernaturals in existence until book two "Stolen" in which she is kidnapped and housed in a compound with other supernaturals, like witches, shamans and half-demons. Through this introduction the series is opened to include other narrators, like Paige the witch, Hope, the half-demon and Jamie, the necromancer. These narrators take us through their own adventures in the other novels in the series. I love it because there is so much overlap (ie the narrators all show up in each other's stories) which gives you such a good picture of each of the characters, as you see them through so many points of view. What I also love about this series is that Armstrong released online stories to fill in blanks or to give background and she also has "Men of the Underworld," which is an anthology of some of the men's stories. I just think that this is a fun series for those of us who love a bit of fur or magic with our adventure (and of course there's a bit of romance!)

Kelley Armstrong's "The Darkest Powers" Trilogy (Young Adult Fiction)

This series is about a teenage girl named Chloe who gets sent to a group home and discovers that she hasn't been sent to just any regular group home. With the help of some of the other residents she discovers that they are all subjects of a science experiment by the sinister "Edison Group." The first two books are the only ones that have been released thus far and I really enjoyed them both. I like the way that this series is completely separate from the Otherwold series, but Amstrong still hints that there is some awareness of the Otherworld characters by Chloe's friends. This series is great because it is a coming of age story, but with these teenagers having to deal with their supernatural traits maturing as well.

Kim Harrison

This is the series I am currently reading. It follows Rachel Morgan a witch "runner" in a future world where a disease from biologically engineered tomatoes wipes out enough of the human race to make their numbers low enough that the supernaturals feel safe enough to "come out of the closet." So in this world there are human races and supernatural races like witches, vampires, werewolves and pixies. Rachel is a "runner" which is basically like a supernatural PI/ Bond officer who runs her own firm with her roommate Ivy, a living vampire who is trying to convince Rachel to share blood and Jenks, a Pixie with serious attitude. These books are a little more mystery than Armstrong's and they took me a bit longer to get into,but now I am really enjoying them. Rachel gets herself into a lot of tight spots and I am just really loving seeing how she gets herself out of them!

Suzanne Collins - "The Hunger Games" Series

This series is just plain haunting. It takes place in the future where the world as we know it has been eradicated and North America is one country called Panem, which consists of 13 "districts" and one central "capital." Panem is an autocratic state run by the all-powerful Capital. Each district is specialized in it's industry and is completely contained. Due to an uprising in Panem's past the Capital does not allow districts to mingle, ensures that the districts support the capital both politically and practically with food, textiles etc and force each district to send two children, one male and one female to compete against all the other children from all the other districts in a televised battle to the death. District thirteen was also destroyed by the capital in the district uprising as a demonstration of the Capital's power. The series follows sixteen year old Katniss who volunteers for the Hunger Games after her younger sister is chosen in the annual lottery. Katniss' Games end up stirring and uprising that will change Panem forever.

This series is so so haunting, between Katniss' almost cavalier attitude towards her condition, to the contestants' acceptance of their plight and their knowledge that most of them will not survive, this story just captivated me. It also made me inevitably draw parallels between the children of Panem and the children in war-torn countries and child soldiers. I could barely put either book down and am anxiously awaiting the final book of this series.

So there you have it. That was my two cents, if you like me enjoy these types of books and are looking for something to get you through the last bit of winter, give 'em a go! :)

That's a Wrap... for now

2009-12-05T23:21:00.002-05:00

So as many of you have probably guessed I am having a lot of trouble keeping up with the blogging world. After much consideration I have decided to take an indefinite break from my blog. I'd like to say that I have the intention of returning to my blog, but at this point I just don't know.

As I mentioned previously my life is undergoing a lot of changes and as a result I just cannot keep up with my blog. For me blogging has been all about give and take and I have not had the time recently to give all of you the time that you so deserve. You have all been such an amazing part of my life for the last few years and I will never be able to thank you enough. I will keep up with people through Facebook and hope to maintain contact with you that way. I also plan to stop by your blogs once in a while because "I just can't quit you." (ha ha ha... yeah I went there)

Anyway thank you all again for your ongoing support, it has meant more to you than you will ever know.

Take care of yourselves.

Warmest regards,
Odette

The past two and a half months Part 1

2009-11-02T12:15:00.011-05:00

Believe it or not I have about three full posts saved as "drafts" that I just can't seem to tweak enough to make them "post-worthy" so instead I am just going to give you a brief overview of my life since the middle of August. I will have to do this in a few parts, because this has been a busy few months!

So here we go:

Friday Aug 28th - I got married!

We had a small ceremony on the beach. It was nice and relaxed, since we had such a small group (there were about 20 people including the photographers, Officiant and wedding coordinator) we got most of the people involved in the ceremony by having them read our "reading" which is was more like a poem-y thing. Basically we broke it down so that my husband's mom and dad, his groomsmen, my bridesmaids and my parents all had a part to read. (I gave them each a cue card with their "part"on it.) The Officiant (The INCREDIBLE Brent Sheppard) was so impressed by the idea that he asked if he could steal it for future weddings (my Dad said sure, but only if we got a royalty cheque ha ha ha.)

So that's the pic of the ceremony. It's tough to find pics where I don't show anyone's faces!

The reception was great. It was in a tent in the yard of a heritage house right by the beach. I can't seem to get the professional picture to upload so I'll show you a pic that my friend took.

You can't see much but that's the tent taken from the house. :P

The decor worked and I got the mini lights that I wanted, so really that was all that mattered to me. We had the center pieces that we (my bridesmaids, my aunt, my mom and myself) made and our favours which were aqua, brown and cream m&ms in chocolate brown truffle boxes tied with turquoise ribbon (my aunt tied EVERY one!)

We had a great cake, it was chocolate with raspberry cream filling, I only got the bite fed to me by my husband, but that bite was good! There actually wasn't enough cake for everyone, which was too bad because it was so good! They're actually making us a small version of the cake that my family can eat over Christmas so that we can actually have a piece! :)

There was dancing, there were drinks (the head table toasted with the Bollinger champagne that my husband brought back from France) and food. I am not going to lie I hated about 70% of the wedding. After dinner I turned to my Dad and asked if I could leave. I was really really stressed and I felt like everyone wanted a piece of me and I couldn't just dance with my friends and enjoy myself. Everytime I had settled and was talking to someone or dancing and then someone else would come and pull me away. It was just so tiring. Thankfully everyone said that I looked like I was having such a good time, so my facade worked, but I was SOOOO happy when I woke up the next morning!

Speaking of waking up, we stayed that night at the Four Seasons and we were so so surprised to find all sorts of little treats waiting for us!

That's a personalized robe, (my husband got one too and this pic is taken at about 4am the night of our wedding) chocolate fondue (the best I have ever tasted) and an assortment of chocolate goodies (the inukshuk was a chocolate hazelnut rice crispie concoction and it was AMAZING!)

Okay so that's all for today. Tune in next time when I run down our somewhat ill-fated honeymoon and more random wedding pics! Thanks for bearing with me. I am in a somewhat scary, frustrating and maybe a bit exciting period of transition of my life, so I am not too sure that I will be posting regularly but I am not giving up... yet and I really appreciate that you all haven't given up on me!

This video cracks me up...

2009-10-17T19:01:00.003-04:00

Yes small things amuse me!

My Guide to Planning your Wedding Part 1: Pick your help wisely

2009-10-14T12:51:00.005-04:00

****Disclaimer this is one in a series of blogs that I am going to write about wedding planning and my wedding. This is by no means a permanent change, but instead a sharing of the lessons I learned. I will have pics from my own wedding in upcoming posts. So if you're not into the wedding planning thing, keep checking back cause I'll be switching gears soon. ****

As many of you know I planned my own wedding. I ruled with an iron fist to assure that my husband and I got what we wanted out of our wedding. I still had a wedding coordinator to coordinate and recommend vendors since I was in Montreal and we were getting married in
Vancouver and to suggest things that I may not have thought of. I am so glad that I did get a coordinator (even though she added some of her own stress) because I don't think that I would have liked wrangling vendors and handling the set up stuff that.

Before you go to a wedding coordinator (or to vendors if you aren't using one) it is important to have an idea of the type of wedding that you are looking for. Have an idea of the number of people, style (whether it be a formal wedding, or a more casual one) colors, theme, everything. This is your chance to browse magazines, websites, (there are SO many! I like the knot, weddingchannel.com and weddingbells.ca) blogs (I love The Offbeat Bride ) etc to get ideas. Think about weddings that you've been to. What did you like about them? What didn't you like? Was there something extra special that you'd like to do? Talk to your fiance and figure out what YOU BOTH want, so that you have a starting off point from which to approach the people and organizations that are going to help you realize your vision.

With all this in mind my tip is choose your wedding coordinator (and all vendors) wisely. Ask her for references from people that SHE (or HE) worked for directly. Make sure that your references are from people whose events she was the LEAD on. You want to make sure that you are not getting someone who has never coordinated a wedding before (this is an easy mistake make.)

When you are checking references make sure that you check who they had for their vendors (many Events coordinating companies use a few different caterers, DJ's etc.) You want to make sure that you are getting good reviews for the same vendors you will be using. Basically you just want to make sure that you are getting what you're expecting.

The good thing about using a wedding coordinator is that you can "audition" a few of them. They will write you up a proposal with a list of vendors and a plan of what your wedding will look like, what services they offer and (the most important) a break down of cost. Most of the time this will be a watered down cost break down, so you'll have to account for things like tax and any extras that you add on after. So make sure that you give yourself a buffer of about 15 to 25% extra on your estimate. Make sure that you are clear on what the coordinator is offering and what is not included in the estimate (for an example venues etc.) Make sure that everything you've talked about is in that estimate, so that you can make an informed decision.

Cheaper is not always better when it comes to weddings. There are things that you can do to cut costs, but you want to make sure that you are putting your money where it counts. If you don't care about flowers then don't spend a fortune on flowers, if you don't care about decor then cut costs there. There are always places that you can cut costs, but make sure that you are sure about what is important to you because that is where you want to spend your money.

Make sure that you have a chance to see (or taste) a sample before you commit to that vendor, or that item. If you have a food tasting and you don't like the food that's offered find out what you can do to change the menu or the vendor. Caterers, Djs, florists, cake makers etc are a dime a dozen so there are ALWAYS options. Don't get pigeonholed into accepting something that you are not 100% sure about because there are always other options. "No" is not something you should hear from vendors. Remember they work for YOU! Your wedding is YOUR day make sure that you get what you want out of it, otherwise you will not be happy. It's all about choosing the right people.

Once you choose your vendors you are ready to take the next step in planning your special day. The key for me was to OWN the event, not to let the event own me.

Hope this helps! Next time I'll talk about my ceremony and what we did to make it our own.

Changes coming....

2009-10-07T02:45:00.002-04:00

So another cop-out post. Sorry.

I have not had the motivation to blog lately, so I have decided that I need to make a few changes. Nothing drastic, but I am going to take things in a bit more of a "direction" instead of just random bitching and moaning.

So as I am a newlywed (yes I WILL get to the wedding talk) I am going to document my new life. I have hobbies! I love to cook, bake and decorate. I am going to talk a little bit more about that with a recurring "What's for dinner" segment and talking about my latest inspirations. I am going to talk a little more about my on going job hunt (the never ending job hunt!) I will also talk a little bit about being a newlywed and the stuff that I wish someone had told ME! :)

All and all I think that this will be a new and improved "My Life as You Know it" and I hope that you will stick around and enjoy the ride! xoxo

I'm Alive!

2009-09-21T22:18:00.002-04:00

Okay so this is a complete cop-out post, but I have been so busy! We had our wedding, went to Alaska, then I spent the last 2 weeks getting ready for my friend's wedding (I was a bridesmaid.) I am just tired and unmotivated. I know that I'll get back into this whole blogging thing soon, but for now if you are looking for wedding info or pics check out this post by my real-life/ blogger friend Lusty.

A Bientot!

T-23 hours!

2009-08-27T19:58:00.000-04:00

So busy can't blog! Sorry been delinquent. Full sentences not possible. Married tomorrow. Back soon! xoxoxo

My newest obsession

2009-08-20T21:03:00.004-04:00

I am IN LOVE with this bag

This is Coach's Brooke bag in Eggplant. Isn't it beautiful? Don't you just want to reach out and touch the leather? Sigh.

Yes that's right when I am stressed out I find something else to obsess over. So this is it. (Trust me this beautiful, but pricey bag is better than the alternative, last night I was looking at Petfinder.com!)

So now my internal dialogue whispers "I want this bag. It will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine." Instead of "AHHHHHHHHH FFFFUUUUUUU%%%%%%%%KKKKK!"

Isn't that better?

The only thing better would be actually GETTING the bag! :)

9 days

2009-08-19T19:01:00.004-04:00

So here's the deal I am freaking stressed out. I have spent the last 8 months planning my wedding and now 9 days before things are starting to unravel. My wedding planner is letting me down BIG TIME (if you're getting married in Vancouver and are hiring a wedding planner, let me know and I can give you advice on who NOT to hire.) I am having fights with my Mom almost daily about the most trivial stuff (like fonts) and I feel like I am just cracking up like a psycho!

Arg I am just trying to remember one thing. At the end of the day no matter what happens with the decor or transportation or food I will be married to the guy that I fall in love with over and over every day. I will keep trying to remind myself of that as I am trying not to cry or scream!

Dear J

2009-08-13T15:20:00.003-04:00

I stood outside last night at 2am watching the end of the meteor shower and I thought of you. Remember that year our families went camping and every night we'd go to the beach and look at the stars? We saw the meteor shower then too. Now every time I see a shooting star I can't help thinking about that summer. I also think of that summer when I think of stinging nettles ha ha ha.

I also remember the year that we all went to Disneyland and you and I got those fedoras and matching mickey headbands. We had so much fun dancing to the music, riding the rides and just being kids. That week with you is one of my happiest childhood memories. I will always remember how happy your parents were and how crazy your little brother was.

I remember looking after baby T for our Aunty L. Can you believe that T graduated high school this year? Time flies! I remember singing him songs like "The Greatest Love of All" and playing peek-a-boo and watching him jump.

I remember the first time I saw our beloved dog Julie. I came into your house and you were holding her and I asked you if that was my puppy and you smiled and nodded. Your Mom was kind enough to keep the best puppy for us. I guess that's the service I get being the daughter of your Mom's best friend! We always loved Julie so much and we always loved bringing her back to visit her Mom!

I remember all the summers that we went to visit you at your grandparent's cabin in Point Roberts. We used to have so much fun exploring the beach and eating "American candy." Even as teenagers we always had fun together when we were there. I miss that.

I remember the time that you told me that you were huffing nail polish and I told my Mom. You and I drifted apart after that.

I remember the time that your Mom told us you'd gotten into meth and our hearts broke.

I remember the day that my Dad came and told me you died. You committed suicide because the voices in your head told you they were going to kill your family. I couldn't breathe.

I remember going to your funeral, it still doesn't seem real. That was two years ago almost to the day.

I miss you. I will always think of you fondly as I did even when you didn't think highly of me. I will never regret telling on you, if I hadn't I would have blamed myself for your decisions later in life. I only wish I'd been able to help before it was too late. You were beautiful and smart and funny. I will always remember that girl.

In two weeks I am getting married. I know that it is going to be hard for your parents. For them to see me alive and well getting married without you there. We crossed every finish line together as children. Our Mothers grew even closer because of it. It's not fair that your Mom doesn't get to watch you get married. It's not right that you aren't going to be there, not that you would have wanted to be there if you were still here, but I would have wanted you there. No matter what forces divided us as teenagers I always considered you my friend. I wish you were here.

I hope that wherever you are you are at peace. I miss you and still think of you often.

Until we meet again my friend.

Dear Asshat

2009-08-09T23:38:00.003-04:00

Dear Asshat who broke into my Car today,

Thanks so much for ruining a great evening with my fiance. Heaven forbid we try to enjoy the last day of his vacation by driving downtown to see a movie. I hope that you're proud of yourself. Was it worth breaking our window and rummaging around in our car? What did you find? NOTHING? Oh that's right because we don't leave valuables in our car you fucking moron. I hope that whatever fix you were hoping to get by stealing our stuff kills you and if by some chance it doesn't then pray that I never find out who you are.

Dear Asshat Neighbor who called the cops on us for vacuuming the glass out of our car,

Thanks so much for putting the cherry on top of an already fantastic situation. I am so sorry that we disturbed your sleep at 11pm by trying to protect our car from the elements overnight. I am really sorry that our misfortune has cost YOU. I can't wait for the opportunity to return the favor. Fuck you very much.

Things I am so sick of right now...

2009-08-02T20:53:00.004-04:00

#1 - Hearing about MJ. Okay I get it it's a great loss to the musical community, he was an icon blah blah blah, but I just DON'T want to heat about it anymore! I mean seriously I don't care how he died, I don't care who gets custody of the kids, I don't care and I don't want to hear about it on the news, on the radio and in the paper. I mean seriously the last time he got this much media coverage he was accused of molesting children.

#2 - Jon Gosslin. I get it the guy's a douche. He cheats on his wife, bitches and complains about not wanting to live in the media spotlight and then goes and dates a Star reporter and hangs out with Linsay Lohan's Dad. Riiiigggghhht. Douche. I am not going to say that I thought that their marriage would have stayed together and I am not saying that I believe that his soon-to-be-ex-wife was beyond blame. I am not even really talking about the divorce, which in itself is tragic for their kids, because I don't think that it is my place to comment on that. My problem with him is that he just seems to be whoring himself out to the media after he spent the last year talking about how much he hated it. I am really just sick of hearing about him every time I turn on the radio and close my e-mail.

#3 - The economy. Things stuck, I get it, but stop telling us that it's getting better just to turn around and tell us that we're not out of the woods. Seriously until you have REAL good news I don't want to hear it.

#4 - The Rain. That one is self-expanitory :)

The things I am not sick of right now...
#1 - Visiting with out of town visitors (We've had a lot of them in the last few weeks)
#2 - My fiancee. I think I love him more every day and I can't wait to be his wife.
#3 - Guitar Hero World Tour.
#4 - Reading. I can't stop reading the Sookie Stackhouse series. It's mindless reading, but a nice little escape :)

What are you sick of / loving right now?

100th Post

2009-07-19T23:51:00.002-04:00

So I had hoped to make this a momentous occasion, but nothing momentous really popped up, so I am going to talk about something that has really irked me.

I have spoken before about how much I love my family, they are the most important people in the world to me. When something is happening with one of them it really gets to me. ESPECIALLY when in indirectly involves me! Here's the deal; I have an Uncle who is an alcoholic. My Dad's side of the family all suffer from certain degrees of alcoholism (with the exception of my Dad who doesn't drink at all) but none as badly as this particular Uncle. He has a habit of getting trashed and ripping a strip off of people and breaking down crying while blaming EVERYONE for his problems, you know typical alcoholic behavior. Anyway with my pending nuptials my Dad called my Uncle to ask him not to drink at my wedding.

My Uncle took offense to this request and decided not to attend my wedding. This didn't exactly thrill me, but it was better than having him corner me and tell my what assholes his brothers and sisters are and how my grandmother only loved him(as opposed to loving all of her children), which is what happened the last few times that he came to a family event. Anyway, so he decided not to come and I thought that was that. Silly me I obviously forgot who I was dealing with.

My Uncle has chosen to air his grievances with this situation on Facebook of all places. First he wrote on my Dad's wall calling him all sorts of rude names and telling him how he's a controlling son of a bitch etc etc. He has also decided to tell everyone who would listen that he is unwelcome and that my Dad (whom he always refers to in an unfriendly manner) told him that he wasn't allowed to attend. Which may be half true, as I wasn't there to listen to my Dad's conversation I do not know if my Dad told my Uncle that he wasn't welcome if he chose to drink, but the truth of the matter was that no matter how the request was worded my Uncle chose alcohol over attending his neice's wedding.

The thing that pisses me off is that I now have to see all these insults toward my father on Facebook, and I have to see that he is saying that we have delcared him "personna non gratta," which is not what has happened. Now one could speculate that given my Uncle's knack for acting like an ass and ruining every family event that he has attended the recipients of his defamation would take everything he says with a grain of salt, but I am still upset. I just feel a need to call him on his BS because I have been seeing it every time I sign on to Facebook (gotta love the newsfeed!) I have "un-friended" him and I am trying to ignore it, but I want so badly to just reply to one of his comments so that at least our side of the story gets told as well. So here's my addition to his comments on Facebook. If I can't say it to him I at least want to get it off my chest.

"I would really appreciate you halting the defamation against my father and attempting to make people believe that we have asked you to stay away from my wedding. This is supposed to be a happy occasion and we as a family need that after all the sad occasions that have brought us together in recent years. I know that you cannot be honest about your decision not to come to the wedding because in doing so you would have to admit that you have a problem, so all I ask is that you stop talking about it all together."

Of course I know that by posting that comment or one similar I am really just making the situation worse, but I am still angry and a little hurt that things would turn out this way. At the end of the day he is still my Uncle and I have good memories of our relationship from before he was in this state, but now I feel like he is beyond hope.

So a pretty uninspiring 100th post, but maybe I will have more success with post 200!

Oh and Hallie, if I had to marry a muppet I would marry Animal because I have always had a thing for drummers!

See y'all on post 101! :)

Post # 99

2009-07-07T16:01:00.004-04:00

So today was the day of MJ's memorial. I am sorry to say that I am NOT a fan of all the hype his death is getting. I understand his place in music history and how great an influence he was, but for the love of goodness do they have to air it on every freaking channel! I do not want to watch it and I am mad that it is preempting the shows I did want to watch! Frack! The worst part is that this is not done! It will be on the news for weeks!

In other news I just got back from a great five day vacation to Toronto and my future in-law's cottage. It was just nice to get out of the daily routine. We managed to see a lot of people too. In Toronto we saw my cousin, two of my friends from Vancouver, the nanny who took over for me in Paris and most of le fiance's friends. We also managed to get bridesmaid gifts, our wedding bands (ordered anyway) and Thank You cards. So all in all it was a very productive trip!

At the cottage we had such a nice time hanging out with my future in-laws and niece and nephews. My future sisters-in-law bought me this cute cute hoodie from Victoria Secret

The weather was also great which meant that we got to spend time on the lake

It's hard to find pictures without people's faces! It was nice to have some sun finally and I even got a little bit of heat stroke.

Next post is # 100, I feel like I should do something momentous for the occasion, but I am at a loss. I can't do a giveaway because I am SOOOO beyond broke that I couldn't afford shipping let alone a prize (plus as soon as I have disposable income I am donating to Hallie's fundraiser.)
So I want to know if you guys have any suggestions. Or maybe you have questions about me or my blog that you have always wanted answered? I don't know. Help me! :)

This is my 98th post.

2009-06-30T12:50:00.002-04:00

I am actually surprised that it is only 98 posts! But I am slowly moving towards the 100 post mark, which won't take place until sometime next week, because it's Canada day tomorrow and we are heading to Toronto to visit some friends and family.

I am very lucky because one of my best friends is getting married a few weeks after me, so I am able to talk to her about all my wedding anxieties. This is good because all my friends who got married a while ago or have never been married can't understand why I am scared of my wedding. My friend's wedding has been largely spurred on by her future mother in law who has shopped for her initiations, flowers and centerpieces. It sounds cute until you are there (picture the mother from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.) Fortunately my friend is very zen about the whole thing and was very clear about what she was looking for in terms of style etc. so things have been going very well for her! Having each other to talk to has been a life saver for both of us. I am very very lucky!

Now her problem was an overly excited future MIL my "problem" is that my wedding is the result of my mother freaking out at me. Originally we were going to go to Hawaii with our immediate family and get married on vacation. However my Mother clearly had other plans. She called me and yelled at me for half an hour about how I was alienating my family and how no one would forgive me and blah blah blah (this was actually a better conversation than the "conversation" we had when we were going to elope!) Needless to say I was pretty upset and felt compelled to appease everyone. I was told to pick between the wedding that we wanted or the wedding that my family wanted, because there wasn't the money to have a wedding and a big informal party afterward. So I chose my venue and we decided to have a private ceremony with only our immediate family and then an "everyone" reception. This took care of most of our anxieties. (Yes I said OUR anxieties, I am not the only wallflower in this relationship.) Now I still have to have "an entrance" and dance in front of everyone as well as have the whole cake cutting thing. As someone who is not comfortable with this sort of stuff these events seem like torture!

Then yesterday I thought of something. Something that I was surprised that I hadn't thought of before! The substance that has given courage to people for ages, in fact don't they call it "liquid courage"? Yes I am planning on drinking enough to keep that nice warm feeling but not enough to be slurring my words. I am sure that I am not the only one to have done this. So now my wedding problems are taken care of! fewf! (Well most of them anyway! :P)

Tomorrow is my RSVP cut off, so hopefully in the next week or so I'll be able to have an idea of how many people we'll have. At the moment we're still waiting on about 30 people to get back to us including ONE BLOGGER (I'm looking at YOU Lusty! :) ) So the good news is that we'll have about 100 people and that's a good size. I have to get my caterers the final numbers in the next few weeks, which means that we'll have our "final total" soon. GULP! Oh well I'm sure that it'll be worth it!

So am I going to blog about anything BESIDES my wedding over the next two months? Probably, but let's face it I am a future bride and things are just kicking into high gear, so I am pretty sure that I'll have wedding on the brain. But ya know what? This is my blog and this is a big deal, so I will blog about it if I want to! :)

If I blog about my wedding though I plan on including pictures to maybe keep you enticed and interested?

So I will leave you today with a picture of what my wedding cake is going to look like (mine will have turquoise ribbon instead of orange.) The best thing about this cake is that all but the bottom layer are fake, so I am not paying for a big cake that no one is going to eat! It's going to be chocolate with raspberry cream filling.

60 days

2009-06-29T00:17:00.002-04:00

In 60 days I am going to become someone's wife. I will stand with him in front of our immediate families and wedding party and vow to share our lives together. It is supposed to be the most special day of my life and I am dreading it.

I want to be married, but I don't really want this wedding. I do not like the idea of being put on display like a show dog. I am not looking forward to having to dance in front of a bunch of people twice, having to be the centre of attention. I am really not looking forward to this. Do I want see my family and my friends and eat some good food, but this whole "wedding" idea scares the crap out of me.

So in 61 days I will be happily married an on my way to Alaska. So I am looking forward to that day 61 days from now.

Okay I'm better now.

2009-06-25T13:33:00.002-04:00

So I didn't get the job. They E-MAILED me to tell me! I mean seriously after all the shit they put me through THAT's what I get! Arg. You know what though? It really is their loss, because I can guarantee you that NO ONE wanted that job as much as me and NO ONE would have worked as hard for them as me. So there company I am not going to name. I wouldn't be surprised if they call me again in three months because the person that they hired didn't work out.

So I spent last night crying nee BAWLING like an imbecile. I felt like someone had stabbed me in the chest. I just needed that win. I have had so many little defeats over the last few months that I REALLY needed that win. I felt deflated and useless and guilty, amongst other emotions. I really wanted to crawl into a hole and die because I just didn't feel worth the air I breathe. I know that it all sounds very dramatic, but I seriously just really needed the win.

So after all that I woke up today and I am sort of over it. I have a plan, well sort of. I am going to take a French course next month so that I have a better chance of getting the "French" jobs. I am going to try to enjoy as much of the summer as I can. I should say though that it is hard to enjoy everything as much without any money. I don't think people understand how broke we are. We just bought a house and in about 8 weeks we have to pay for our wedding, so things are tight. There are things I want that I will not get, which is not something I am used to. I am used to working a lot and being able to save for the things that I want and now I can't. This is the least of my problems I know, but it is still hard.

Anyway now I am going to go out on a hike around the park by our house. It's a hot day, but it's shady in the park and I need to get up and move because I have been eating a lot of crap lately. So I am going to try to take a bit better care of myself and try to stay away from my pity party cause that doesn't do anyone any good.

Before I go I just want to thank everyone who commented on my last few posts or on FB. Honestly sometimes I forget that people care and I appreciate the reminder.

What Doesn't Kill Us

2009-06-24T19:58:00.002-04:00

Living in Quebec is a character builder. Living in Quebec is a character builder. Living in Quebec is a character builder. I am repeating that to myself over and over, because eventually I will believe that instead of "Living in Quebec Sucks ASS."

The job interview came and went and it didn't go as well as I would have liked. I did my best, but I probably sounded like a moron as I stumbled over my words a few times! I think that I answered the questions well, but I am sure that the other candidates answered them just as well. The main interviewer had to go on a "conference call" about 15-20 mins into the interview and then I saw her in the lobby about 10 mins later with the next candidate. Not a positive sign.

While I was sitting in the waiting area I saw the previous candidate leave and mention that she'd e-mail her references. The remaining interviewer didn't even ask for my references, I had to offer them.

They also said that they would be making the decision today and getting the individual to start work tomorrow, but I haven't hear anything at it's 8pm. I am thinking that I didn't get the job.

There are good things about not getting the job. I can go to Toronto as I had planned on July 2nd and I don't have to worry about taking time of for my wedding. So I guess that's good. I really did want to start working though and I was really hoping that I'd finally have money to buy things. Oh well, as the title says; what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

Can you spare some more good vibes?

2009-06-23T17:48:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow it's D-day. The day that will decide if I will in fact get my dream job or not. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE at 13:30 (1:30pm) EST (10:30am Pacific, 11:30am mountain, 12:30pm central) send me some good vibes. Some "Hire Me" vibes or some "Knock that interview out of the park" vibes or hey even some "make coherent sentences" vibes will do! Thanks in advance.

Back to interview prep! :P

Just when I thought I was out

2009-06-22T17:53:00.003-04:00

So after two e-mails, one phone call and two weeks, I FINALLY heard from the "dream job" people. First they e-mail me to ask when I am available for a final interview on Tuesday then after I told them that I was available anytime, but mornings are ideal they scheduled me for an interview on WEDNESDAY at 1pm. I am shaking my head a little bit as I feel that they are a little bit disorganized, but I still want the job. The best part is that they also have locations in Vancouver, so I could eventually transfer to Vancouver if my fiance were able to get a job there.

So here's hoping that Wednesday goes well and that next week at this time I start a new job!

I know that it's stupid but...

2009-06-21T17:15:00.003-04:00

I LOVE this song. (Sorry, but the embedding has been disabled so you have to follow the link.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVFbNH6yAgk

It's stupid and annoying, but it's funny and let's face it we all need some funnies every now and then! :)

One from the archives...

2009-06-16T07:56:00.000-04:00

Once in a while when I have something to say, but I am not too sure if I should say it I save things to draft and forget about them. I actually did that just today and while searching my list of posts I found this little guy from August 5th 2008, so because I put one away into draft, I felt the need to take another one out, so here ya go!

Dear Paris,

It is hard to believe that it's been nearly a year since we met. It seems like just yesterday that I came to you wide eyed and excited to begin a new adventure. I fell in love with you immediately. Your beauty left me breathless and I spent hours just getting to know you walking your streets discovering everything I could.

Then as our relationship matured I began to see you not only as the amazing place you were, but also as my home. I became comfortable and secure. In this time I experienced things I never dreamed of, I visited places I had only imagined and discovered that I was capable of so much more than I had ever thought possible.

In the last few weeks our relationship has become tense. You residents have not always been kind and a big part of me blamed you for that. I have also been anticipating today, our final day together, and have been guarding myself from feeling that which I know I have to feel. Sadness.

How do I put into words what you have done for me? You have challenged me in every possible way. You provided a safe platform from which I could jump and you were always there to catch me when I fell. I have learned so much about what it is to be a descent human being from you. I have learned so much about myself and that I am better than I previously thought. Most of all I have learned that there is so much more out there than I ever dreamed possible I am really just a small piece of a far bigger puzzle. I feel so small, but you too have become smaller. You are no longer a big cold city to me, you have become my home and for that I am grateful.

I will not say goodbye to you Paris, because we both know this is not the end. Je dirai simplement a bientot et merci.

Because My Last Post Was So Negative

2009-06-14T22:04:00.006-04:00

Yes last post I was a total Debbie-downer. I had a lot going on and I just had a bit of a meltdown. Rest assured things are fine now. My fiance and I have been doing a great job of listening to each other and are actually quite happy! :) We had a great weekend working on the yard and swimming in our pool (for the first time!) So here are a few pics of my Kitty and random flowers in the Garden.

Hey I just thought that we could have some happy pics today and don't forget about Hallie's fundraiser. After just a few days she has raised over $1000! Let's help her reach her goal in record time! :)

No News isn't Always Good News

2009-06-11T14:20:00.003-04:00

So first off I would like to thank you all for all your good energy. I really appreciate all the support. I wish I had better news, but I don't. After a week, two e-mails and one voicemail I have heard nothing.

Although I am very upset about not getting the job, I am also insulted that they didn't even have the decency to get back to me. I mean really all it would have taken was a generic "Thank you for your interest, but you have not made it to the next round of the recruiting process" e-mail and I wouldn't have had to worry about the uncertainty. Instead they didn't send me anything. That is just unprofessional. Candidates jump through hoops for recruiters and they do so knowing that they may not be selected. The least the recruiters can do for the candidates is answer their questions when they ask. Anyway I am a little upset about the way that turned out.

I had another potential job possibility come my way last week, but that isn't going to happen. I have my resume in with quite a few placment agencies and last week this really bitchy woman called me from one of them. First she told me that the job is one that one of my classmates from my HR program just left, and then proceeded to grill me about why she left the job. I tried to explain to her that I haven't spoken to this classmate since we finished our program and I didn't know, but she was grilling me like I was keeping something from her. Finally she stopped grilling and then proceeded to YELL at me because I was having a hard time answering her questions because there was a construction crew outside my house and I could barely hear her. (This is all happenig in French btw) Then she switched to English and told me that if I wanted this ADMIN ASSISTANT job I'd have to come in to the agency and take an Excel test, a typing test and two grammar tests (French and English.)

I didn't want to do it. I figured that if my classmate left the job that there must be a good reason, plus I am not a very good typer and I know that. I can type when I am tying my own stuff, but I am not good at copying from another source. I am not Secretary material and I know that, but I am normally willing to give anything a shot. In this case I was not really willing to go out of my way to get a job that I don't really want, but my fiance encouraged me to do it anyway, even though I was stressed to the point of breaking, so I did.

Yesterday I went to do my testing and I suck. I FAILED my French grammar test (which didn't surprise me) and my typing test (27 wpm lol) but I did pretty well on my Excel test considering the fact that I was working with a much older version of Excel than I am used to. I also did well on my English grammar test (one would hope so!) So the lady at the agency was not the same one that I spoke to on the phone (thank goodness) and she was very nice and gave me the "intermediate" French grammar test ofter I failed the "advanced" one, but I don't think that I fared much better on that one! So needless to say I didn't have the best day yesterday.

To add insult to injury I am stressed to the max. I feel like I am breaking apart. I have lost any semblance of self esteem and I have turned mean. I am not a mean person, but I have been acting so mean. I've been lashing out at my fiance, which I never used to do. I hate being mean but I feel like I have been taken over by this different bitter angry person. I am not happy not working. I have worked since I was 12 and normally I had at least two jobs. I have always been able to take care of myself financially and it kills me that I can't do it anymore. I have no control over it either. I hate living here and I have become resentful of my fiance for being the reason that I am here.

My fiance is the love of my life no doubt, but he (like me!) is not perfect. He is an engineer and so his though process is such that if there's a problem he tries to fix it. However I don't need him to make suggestions on how to improve my chances of finding work. I have done everything I can think of and even the career placement people have told me that they're impressed with my efforts. What I need from my fiance is comforting and support. After all the work that I have put in to finding a job his comments seem belittleing and critical. Needless to say we have been going through a rough time. I have been assured by all my recently married friends that this is normal when you are learning to live with someone, so that make me feel better because I don't want to have to give up on us before we've even really started! Through talking I have discovered that my fiance just doesn't really have to tools to cope with people when they are facing a situation that he has never faced. He is not capable of putting himself in another's shoes. That isn't his fault and I am starting to realize that. It's up to me to tell him what I need instead of just expecting him to know.

The ironic thing is that this, as crappy as it is, really shows me how much I care about my fiance. Never in my adult life have I allowed myself to depend on anyone else for anything. I have been self-sufficient and now I have dropped my defences and I am fully his. So that is what makes his inability to help me so much harder, neither of us have been here beofre we don't know how to deal with this new situation! The important thing that I have come to realize is that it is not that he is unwilling to help me it is more that he just doesn't know how. The other amazing thing is that I have been able to be apart of this relationship without completely losing myself (angry bitter Odette notwithstanding.) We embrace our differences as much as our similarities, it is like we recognize that our differences help us compensate for each others weaknesses. It's as though we are two halves of one whole. God that sounds cheesy.

Sorry for the little introspection. Sometimes I just need to see things in writing (I'm a visual person, so things make more sense to me when I see them.) Also this is really what this blog is meant for, it's meant to be an outlet for me to bitch, moan and gush at will, afterall this is "My Life As You Know It!" Anyway thanks for tuning in and thanks again for your good vibes! See ya next post!

Oh and Hallie over at Wonderful World of Wieners is raising money to raise awareness about organ donation (a cause very near and dear to her heart) so I recommend that you head over to her blog and read up about it, or just click on the handy widget on top of this and donate. I'm an organ donor and I tell everyone who would need to know (ie my family and my fiance) regularly so that if the unthinkable happens there is no question in their minds (plus it is clearly stated on the back of my health card.)

Oh and for the record Hallie I do not want an entry to your raffle for posting this. Not because it's not awesome (cause it is!) but more because I want to help you because I believe in the cause not to win a buttload of AMAZING prizes! :)

I need your good vibes...

2009-06-04T16:38:00.002-04:00

Okay so knowing that there are so many people with REAL problems out there I feel a little selfish asking you this, but I am going to anyway.

Tuesday I had an interview for a really great job. It's perfect. Exactly what I want to do. It's an Employee Relations position for an American technology recruiting company. The position is an in house position here at a game testing lab. Everything about this job is perfect. It's even right across the street from my train stop. The girl who interviewed me seemed really positive. She said that she was really excited to come across my resume because I am the only candidate with Human Resources training/education and she also said that she really liked me and wanted me to succeed in the interview process. However she also said that she'd get back to me by yesterday to set up another more formal interview with the head person from the US who is flying in next week. It's now 4:45 on Thursday and I have heard nothing. I sent a thank you e-mail Tuesday evening, so I know that she has my e-mail address and I have spoken to the recruiter from the US so I know they have my correct phone number.

I am starting to worry. I really really want this job. (A point I also expressed to the interviewer and felt like a nob, but it's true.) I cannot tell you how perfect this job would be for me. I seriously could sit here and cry over how badly I want this. I have never wanted a job more in my life.

I believe in the power of positive thinking and so I have been picturing myself in the position. Tell myself that it's in the bag. But I really need your help. If you could just maybe take a second and send me some good vibes. I could really use them. Finding work is really the last piece of the puzzle for me and I really need the morale boost. Any second of your time that you could maybe spare would be much appreciated.

Thank you all!

xoxo

I'm baaaaack!

2009-05-29T12:34:00.003-04:00

Okie dokie smokies, so I am back and ready to blog. I have been sans internet for a while now so unable to blog and I felt it necessary to catch up on all my regular blogs before I posted, so I am ready to go!

Here are some random moving thoughts:

Moving sucks and I am still living in a jungle of boxes, but that's okay it will be over soon (or so I keep telling myself!)

I will post pictures (or a lovely before / after video that I am in the process of making, we'll see) as soon as the house does not look like the site of a nuclear explosion.

Birds keep flying into out sliding glass door, it's quite disturbing cause one actually left some feathers (and what I can only imagine are bird brains) on the window.

I got carpal tunnel syndrome from painting. I shit you not, I was in so much pain last week that I could barley hold a fork or a pen!

My fiance is making the move unecessarily difficult by insisting that we don't plug anything in or put things on the shelves until we "know for sure where they're going to stay." I KNOW where they are going to stay (WHERE I PUT THEM!) so why are we dragging this process out? I mean all we are doing is compounding the problem of the aformentioned nuclear blast. Arg sometimes I wonder why I am marrying an engineer! (Just joking!)

Thankfully my cat seems to have adjusted seamlessly to the move and has now decided that he is allowed to get on the couch whenever he wants. He actually hops up when we're sitting on the couch and lays there like he was invited! He's here right now sleeping (and doing his little kitty dream leg and tail twitch. So cute!)

Our yard looks like the secret garden. (Before they brought it back to life) Everything is overgrown and no one trimmed away the dead stuff from last year and all the shrubs are like giant man-eating trees! Oh well I have a brown thumb so chances are it'll all be dead by July!

Now for a story...

We moved out of our apartment on the 20th (a Wednesday) and my fiance stayed there that night on an air matress so that he could return the moving truck to the original location to avoid the fee for returning t to a different location. Anyway for whatever reason he didn't bring the air matress and sheets home with him because we were planning in going back that weekend to clean and grab the odds and ends that we had left there. (We had also left everything in our fridge because we had just gotten one for the house and we wanted to give it a day to start working before we put stuff in it.)

So we get there on Saturday and something is amiss. The door and windows are all locked like we had left them, but someone had been in the apartment. The air matress had moved and one of the sheets had been taken off and left in the closet, one of our plates was sitting beside the air matress with a bunch of cigarette butts and ash in it and our beer that we had left in the fridge had been drunk.

What I was even more disturbed about was the fact that my computer was still in the apartment because that's where our internet hook up was, so this person could have easily gotten on to my computer and hacked all my info or downloaded virises or something. My computer did seem to be untouched (I checked the browsing history and the log on history to see if it had been turned on and it seems like it was never used) but still I felt ill and violated.

My Fiance called the land lord and left a message that started something like this: "Hey [landlord's name] our apartment isn't a hotel and you shouldn't be giving keys out to random individuals to use our apartment at their leisure." Then he went on to describe the scene we walked in to. (Side note: We did get a call back from the property management company that said that they have no record of anyone being given keys to our apartment, but we're not buying.)

So anyway we went about cleaning and left late hoping to catch the perp in the act, but no luck. We did however take everything with us so there would be no more creature comforts for them (not even gas or power.) But I am still deeply disturbed by the events that took place there. It just gives me the heeby jeebies!

So I guess that that's it for now! I hope that you are all doing well in your own corners of the world. (For those of you who aren't BIG HUGS)

****Update I just got a job interview for a great Employee relations position for a game testing lab! YAY finally a real interview for a job I would actually want! :)****

1 more sleep!

2009-05-05T22:05:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow we go to sign the millions of papers to get possession of our new house. It is a very exciting, but also stressful time for us.

I sadly did not get the Camp Counselor job that I was hoping for because I did not know about High School Musical. Yesterday I was so upset I wanted to cry (or worse!) which I know is stupid, but I have tried sooo hard to look for work and I finally thought that I had broken the curse and I really wanted to start working again, but I was once again turned away. How was I rejected based on my lack of knowledge of HSM? Well this camp had a theater component and the guy interviewing me asked me to assume that I was in charge of a group of 6 year old girls and then asked me what play they'd want to do. I said that they may want to make up their own or do a princess play, because that's what all the kids I looked after in France wanted to do. WELL apparently I am out of touch because he was very disappointed that I didn't know that they would obviously want to do HSM. I mean for the love of God I could watch the damned movies, but no I am out of touch.

I am more angry than upset today because I have a bit of perspective and realize how stupid it is. I am OVERQUALIFIED for that job. I used to RUN the day camp at my old barn, so it's not as though I don't know what I'm doing! Arg! Plus I really just needed the boost, but WHATEVER! Grrr.

Okay that was not what I wanted to talk about anyway! So we have our writing hands loosened up (for the millions of signatures tomorrow), we have our paint colors picked out, the car is loaded with all of our tools (we're getting possession on the same day as the transfer, which is rare but good.) We're ready for this very exciting step in our lives. I had the pleasure of spending hours in Home Depot over the last few weeks (I love that place!) and I am fully aware that it will be the same for the rest of my life! We bought a BRAND new washer and dryer and a 1 year old fridge and stove! We're sort of packed and living in a jungle of boxes... yup we're ready.

For us it's nice to make this commitment because it is just one step closer to making that ultimate commitment! In related news people have already started to RSVP to the wedding and enough people have RSVP'd no that we dont' have to worry about not having enough space at the venue! (YAY!)

Okay so I am going to go back to watching the hockey game (GO CANUCKS!!!!) Hopefully next time I'll be able to make a more coherent post! ha ha ha!

Hope you're all doing well, wherever you are! :)

It's been a while

2009-04-29T00:29:00.003-04:00

Okay so I really don't have a lot to say right now as I am still feeling like my head is spinning. I am packing up a storm getting ready to take possession of our new house in a week.

I had a great time in Vancouver, but it was WAYYY too short. I tried to be organized and arrange to see people before I left, but alas that didn't work. So then I got there and tried my best and saw a lot of people, but just didn't get to see everyone I wanted to. So my rule for next time is that I am going to a) Rent a car and b) Try to ORGANIZE things. I didn't have a car while I was there so getting around was incredibly difficult and taking the bus costs like $5 a trip and they don't take bills, so that was a HUGE pain in the ass. Rental car = good. Plus I was getting totally screwed up on days vs dates, so I need to make myself a little calendar next time and actually write when and where I am to meet people.

I was productive however here's a snapshot:
Tuesday: Get up at 6am (Read 3am Vancouver time) land in Vancouver 11am, Downtown to see Mom and have lunch w/ rents, go for dinner with riding coach
Wednesday: Go to the barn, Have dinner with friend from old job
Thursday: Barn, Dinner and Drinks with group of friends from High School
Friday: Barn, Downtown to shop w/ Mom (where she bought me the most awesome purse I have ever owned...I am in love...) movie w/ the rents
Saturday: 10am fabric shopping w/ bridesmaids - 3pm fruitless attempt to get downtown - 6pm dinner with another friend
Sunday: Fruitless attempt #2 to get downtown - Hang w/ cousin. Dinner for Friend's b-day
Monday: Barn, Coffee w/ Aunt, Dinner w/ Mom
Tuesday: Went to check on my wedding band, flew home

May not sound like much, but I had to mooch rides EVERYWHERE or take the bus so that just sucked! TWICE I tried and failed to get downtown due to aforementioned bus change issues and the fact that I couldn't get a ride because of the Sun Run (imagine that!) I felt really bad about not getting to see everyone, but I have to get over it (and I am so good at not kicking my own ass... not so much) and get focused on everything that is going on now!

With all that said I did have a really great time being home and feeling like ME again. There is just something about reconnecting with the place that I am from that really makes me feel whole. Which is funny cause I know so many people that feel the exact opposite. For me though I think that it means so much to me because that is a place where I used to matter to people and I had a purpose and I really miss that aspect of my life. I miss everything I used to do there, I mean I used to ride and coach (horseback riding) 3- 4 times a week, take voice lessons, dance, play slo-pitch, rugby and golf all while holding down 2+ jobs. I loved it. I loved being busy and feeling fulfilled and being home reminds me of that feeling.

On top of all those great things I got a great new bag (THANKS MOM!) This is it, except mine is coral and I am in love with it.

Another unexpected side-effect of being in Vancouver was how much I missed Montreal. It's not even that I miss the city itself because to me it's not that great, but I did miss the life that I am starting here, so I am less convinced that I could just pick up and move home without batting an eyelash, which is good because it means that I am getting settled.

I have a job interview for a Day Camp Counselor on Thursday. I figure this is a good way to break my working dry spell and it's a good way to stay active and play outside all summer. Plus this way I get used to working in Quebec and I don't have to worry about taking time off for my wedding because it finishes the day before I leave for the wedding. The downside of course being that in the fall I am right back here again looking for work, but now I am so freaking desperate that I will take whatever I can get!

So that's all I have right now. I am going to try to do some blog catching uping (and yes Delicieux I will send you my list of great stuff in Paris! Check my Travel blog in the meantime) but it is going to be a slow process so I apologize! Thanks for stickin' with me guys! :)

Equilibrium

2009-04-13T23:54:00.003-04:00

Have you ever been in one of those moments in your life when you are just so content that you know the universe is going to throw some horrible curve ball at you just to get things back into balance? I am at that point right now and I know it won't last.

Things are by no means perfect. I still have no job and I am struggling with my weight, but I am going home tomorrow to see my friends and family, my fiance and I are getting along great and things are finally settling down. Now I am afraid of what's coming my way. I know this makes me sound pessimistic, but really I'm not. I am so thankful for everything that I have that the crap just doesn't seem as important.

However, every time I have felt this way in the past something bad has happened. It's like the Universe is trying to bring me down a peg or two. There are scary things on the horizon. My fiance's company has just announced massive layoffs (no he does not work in the automotive industry) and we're worried about that. I also have to find a doctor to get a bump on my chest removed that has been there for as long as I can remember, but I just never really noticed it before. I am pretty sure that it's basal cell carcinoma (a friend who interned in a dermo lab told me I didn't just use WebMD.) That in itself shouldn't be too bad seeing as it is not often lethal and it has never grown but it is still scary!

I know I should just be happy and enjoy the present and I am doing my best, but I am such a worrier! Ha ha ha. I am sure that it will all be fine and I will kick myself later for not enjoying the time I have now where everything is just as it should be. After all if I had a job I wouldn't be going to Vancouver! I'd be working! So that in itself is a positive out of a negative!

Okay I am done with my little neurotic rambling. I may not be around much in the next little while so I hope you all have a great week and I'll see you when I get back (if not before!)

Homeward Bound

2009-03-31T18:45:00.002-04:00

I'm going home in two weeks!!! Not forever or anything just for a week to visit. What's better is that I am going alone so I don't have to feel guilty about wanting to go and hang out with my friends! I am tres excited. (stupid no accents!)

I also feel like le fiance and I will benefit from some time apart. For me I know that it will give me a chance to reconnect with myself and thus make me less dependent on him for emotional support. I will also get a chance to remember who I am as an individual, which I really need to do.

I started a group on Facebook to announce my comings and goings from Vancouver (cause I'm a big geek! lol) and people who I didn't even think would care have started requesting to be a part of it. I am so happy! It's such a silly little trivial thing, but to know that people are happy that I am coming to town remindes me that I am much more than an unemployed 27 year old loser. I am an unemployed 27 year old loser with friends! hahahahaha. But seriously it means a lot to me and I think that this will be the little boost I need to get me going!

I'm counting down... TWO WEEKS! YAY! What's better is that my fiance has Friday off and then the next weekend he has four days off for Easter and then I am going home! I seriously could not be more excited about it!

I also had an interview with a placement agency yesterday and it looks really positive. The person that I met with also went to the school that I just finished and we just clicked. I have a very good feeling about this one! I think that I will be employed soon enough! :)

Speaking of school, I am all done! I am so happy to be done, but I do miss the social aspect of school. The one mean woman totally changed her tune and most of her "friends" actually wanted to do their projects with me lol! She didn't completely reform though because she still bragged when our law teacher told her that her group was tied for the second best presentation. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my group had the best presentation (according to our grades anyway.) I will miss school as well because it has reminded me what it's like to be the best at something. I was at the top of my class and I have never been at the top of my class before. I am not going to lie, I liked it. I liked it because it made me confident. I didn't have to brag or boast, hell I didn't even tell people what my grades were, because at the end of the day my teachers and I knew (I found out that they had actually been talking about me in the teacher's lounge, another first for me when I wasn't in trouble lol) and so that's all that mattered.

In even more trivial news. I have stuck to the diet. I have only lost 7 lbs, but I know that once my exercise level ramps up I'll be good to go! I have 5 months to lose the last 13 lbs, so I am not worried at all. It's all good.

So to recap. Positivity is winning. I am doing my best to keep it that way.

Earth Hour

2009-03-28T12:55:00.004-04:00

I am not going to pretend to be one of those people who does enough to protect the environment. I recycle, I use cloth bags at the grocery store, I buy products without excessive packaging (when I can) and I do not even turn the lights on in my house unless I absolutely have to. (I sit and watch TV in the dark, or I'll use our lamp with the high efficiency light bulb instead of turning on the light.) These are the little decisions that I make every day.

Today is not like every day. Tonight at 8:30pm is earth hour a time when people are asked to turn their lights off for one hour to show solidarity towards the global environment. I'm going to participate. I think it's going to be fun actually. My fiance and I plan on turning our lights out and then walking up Mont Royal to see if anyone else follows suit. It's all about the little things. To me what earth hour symbolizes is hope. I mean if so many people can come together to support something that affects people all over the world, then maybe we aren't as divided as we think. Also in a time when the environment is such a politicized topic it's good to know that people really can still have a say.

Anyway I am not going to make this blog all political or anything, but this is just one of the many facets of my personality that many people don't know about! :P So I would encourage you to check out this website for ideas of fun stuff to do tonight:

http://www.earthhour.org/news/default:en/article?id=eh6527867418953572277

Whatever you do I hope that you guys all have a good Saturday night! :)

Personal Hell Update...

2009-03-20T11:35:00.002-04:00

Okay so I'm almost done. I just finished my Access exam (and passed I hope... gulp) I have a final presentation in twenty minutes and then I am done all but two of my classes. FEWF!

Things have been going... okay. I lost it last night and kept my poor fiance up until 2am freaking out about school and my future employment prospects. I am miserable here. I hate it. I want to go home (and no this is not my home now.) So I have a choice to make. Suck it up and stick with the love of my life, or move home. I seriously waiver on this every day (... well maybe if I just went home until July I could work... etc. etc.) The truth is that I am very happy in my relationship and I in no way want to jeopardize it, but is it worth being miserable all the time? I keep thinking it will get better and I am trying to see this as an opportunity for growth, but I am feeling so trapped here that I freak out.

There are good things about being here. I get to live with my amazing fiance and we bought a great house that I love. The problem is that this is such a closed society that you can't get work no matter how qualified you are and you can't make friends. I NEED friends. I cannot stand this solitary existence. I am not used to being this useless. I have ALWAYS worked and had a life of my own and now I am completely dependent on another person and I hate it! (even if that person is the best thing that has ever happened to me.)

I really do not want to bitch anymore. This is so unlike me. I used to be happy and fun! Hell since the frack when am I "The grumpy one"? I need to get a handle on all this somehow. I don't know how yet but I will. I am going to try out the new agey law of attraction. Like attracts like. If I stay positive, positive things will come my way. I will tell the Universe what I want (I want a good job in HR that challenges me and makes me feel like a useful human being again. I want to make friends. I want to get involed in my new community and to be accepted by that community.) and I will not doubt that it will come to me (money wouldn't hurt either! :) )

Okay Day 1 of the "Get back to myself challenge." Let's take this one day at a time.

Oh the power of photoshop!

2009-03-15T00:44:00.004-04:00

Before...

After...

***These are the EXACT same picture, but they photoshopped my butt off! (It's actually not my butt it is my jacket. It has funny darts in the back)****

Weeks of hell!

2009-03-08T23:01:00.004-04:00

So I have been very productive this weekend! I finished a paper and an Access Assignment, grocery shopped, cleaned, did the laundry and had some quality time with the fiancee! But I still have so much to do so the next three weeks will be a little insane as I am almost done with my program wrapping up and term projects sneaking up on me. Basically just bear with me! I may just post pics and a few random thoughts!

Oh and I am officially 5.5lbs lighter since starting South Beach last Monday, I am happy to be seeing results, but I still have a long way to go!

So anyway I guess I'll just show y'all some pics of my late horsie. I miss her, but I am glad that we had the time together that we did.

Very busy!

2009-03-04T18:24:00.002-05:00

I am on the home stretch. I have two more papers, three presentations and three exams left to write and I am done. Eleven days of class left. Super super busy....

Had some random thoughts today...

-Epiphany: When I was younger and I asked my parents if I could go to a friend's house and they said "no" I always thought that they had a good reason like it was bad for me for whatever reason... Now I realize that sometimes it was because they just didn't want to drive me! Sometimes they had no good reason... hmmmmm this throws my whole world on its head....

- three days into the diet. I'm gaining weight, but it will be okay... everything will be okay...

- Octomom can suck it.

- There's this show called "Being Erica" it's on the CBC in Canada. It's about a girl who keeps getting sent back in time to fix past mistakes. It's a super cute show and I love it. But it makes me think about what I would do if I could do certain things again...

So my question is what would you do again if you had the chance?

Can't think of a title...

2009-03-02T13:55:00.000-05:00

So I felt that I needed to blog even though I don't really have too much to say.

I haven't done much that's too exciting over the last few days except school and homework! I am almost done. I have two full weeks left and then I have another two weeks of classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I am happy that I am going to be done all the projects and papers and exams, but then comes the job hunt and that is a painful process. It is never a fun process but then you take into account that I am living in a French province and I speak English and it gets a whole lot more complicated. Arg my head hurts just thinking about it...

I have done really well in school, my grades from my first semester were outstanding with my lowest percentage being a 90%! I seriously rock at Human Resources, it is just something that I understand and makes sense to me. My mid-terms so far for this semester have been great too, so I am very happy with that.

Our house purchase has gone through and so we just have to go to the notary on May 5th to sign the transfer papers and we're home owners! I seriously love that house. It's a cute 3 bdrm 2 bath split level. The bathrooms are brand new and gorgeous and we have hardwood everywhere but the basement and the office. We have a pretty big lot (10 000 sqft) and I really love the area, so as I've said I am very very happy with that.

My horse got put down last week and my Dad was kind enough to loan me the money for that. I am still very sad but I know that I made the best decision for Viva. Keeping her alive would have meant that she would have been in pain all the time (sometimes she couldn't even stand up) and as much as I miss her it would have been selfish of me to keep her alive. When I am feeling better and less sad I am going to have some of my pics of her touched up and framed so that I can always remember her.

As of tomorrow I am officially back on South Beach. I have warned my fiance that I am going to be moody as all hell, but it will pass and then I will start feeling better. I have been half-assing it for about a month now and that just isn't working for me. I need to get healthy by the wedding and I figure that 15 lbs in 6 months is a realistic goal. I have also been gearing up for the Spring by being active a bit each day. I have been using my Wii Fit a lot for strength exercises, making sure to always take the stairs and doing pilates class once a week (which I know is not enough but I practice on my own with a DVD during the week) that way when the nice weather comes I can get outside and hike, and bike ride and do all that stuff that I love to do!

It all seems overwhelming now and I am so afraid to fail, but the journey of 1000 miles starts with the first step right? I need to take one step at a time and that way I shouldn't get too bogged down by the "goal." What has happened to me a lot in the past few months is that I have given up every time I have hit a setback, but this time I have a plan. I have already mapped out my meals for the next two weeks (the ultra restrictive pertion of the diet) and after that I am home free! :) This is not a diet, it is a life style change. (I can do this. I can do this. I can do this....)

Ha ha ha I am taking my life back people! The Odette of old will come out of hibernation. Count on it!

P.S. If anyone knows how to fix my stupid "time posted" thing to reflect the actual time I posted could you let me know? :P

Busted!

2009-02-25T19:50:00.004-05:00

I am convinced that my cat knows what time I get home because every day I open the door and he is sitting in the entryway waiting for me. I have always suspected that he has just jumped off the couch (he is not allowed on the furniture) because he is always positioned in such a way that it looks like he has just come from that direction.

Well today I got home half an hour early and I snuck up to the door and opened it right away (I normally take my boots off first) and this is what I saw:

Do those look like cat ears to you?
Yup that's what I thought...

Oh Harley you are sooooo BUSTED!!!!!

25 things

2009-02-22T22:18:00.003-05:00

So this has been going around Facebook and I've been tagged about six times, but have refused to do it. Now that I haven't blogged in a while and have nothing else to say I will do it here. (Yes Courtney I totally ripped this off :P)

1. I have never cried as much as I have in the last few days. I feel so guilty for leaving my horse (temporarily she was meant to join me here in the spring because I thought she'd be safer at home and traveling in the spring. ironic) and now she's getting put down and I won't be there to say goodbye. I am going to miss her so so much.
2. I love movies. I am happiest when I am watching a good movie with someone (or someones) I care about. My favorites are the original Sabrina with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart and Breakfast at Tiffany's. Anytime I hear "Moon River" it makes me nostalgic.
3. I am not a cat person, but I have one and I am pretty sure that my cat is the cutest cat ever.
4. I hate olives.
5. I have been singing since I was little but I am still not that good and I won't sing in front of anyone I know. But I have no problem singing in front of groups of strangers, go figure!
6. I love love Pilates!
7. My fiance and I want to travel through the Himalayas from Bejing to Kathmandu and hike to Everest Base Camp.
8. I cannot wait to have kids! I know that many people won't understand this but I do. However I have some other stuff to take care of first. (Like #7)
9. I am terrified that I am not going to find a job.
10. I did not believe in serendipity until I met my fiance. In fact I didn't even believe in love until I met him!
11. I believe that sometimes your best just isn't good enough, but you will only regret it if you don't try.
12. I am stubborn and headstrong, but have no trouble admitting when I'm wrong and saying I'm sorry.
13. I cannot wait to be married, but am scared out of my mind for my wedding. I hate being the center of attention.
14. I am not a morning person!
15. I truly feel that Disneyland / Disneyworld / DisneyParis are the happiest places on earth.
16. I still sleep with Ted-Ted my teddy bear (he's as old as I am!)
17. I believe in ghosts. Yup I know how illogical it is but I still do...
18. I miss the kids that I looked after last year so much! (But not their mother!)
19. I have very very vivid dreams. In my dreams I can sometimes actually control what is going on by realizing that it is a dream and making up what comes next.
20. My favorite color is purple, but that tends to change once a year!
21. This has taken my an hour and a half to write thus far.
22. I am pretty sure that you can die of a broken heart.
23. My favorite all time quote is still "In the end we remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." Martin Luther King Jr
24. If I could go back and re-do one thing in my life it would be the whole of 1989, I was a brat!
25. This was a lot harder than I thought it would be! :P

Okay I apologize for this cop-out of a post. I'll try to do better next time. :)

Murphy's Law

2009-02-18T23:51:00.003-05:00

It never fails. Things are looking up and you think that nothing can ruin your mood and then BOOM. The bubble bursts.

I have been having a pretty awesome week. We bought a cute house, I got my grades back for this semester and my lowest grade is a 90% and I was doing a good job of forgetting all those things that bring me down.

Then we got sick and I was feeling crappy, and yesterday I got "the call," the one that I'd been dreading ever since I got home from Vancouver. My horse does indeed need to be put down. To add insult to injury it will cost me $500 bucks. Plus since the economy is tanking and a business deal went south, the loan that my coach had made me when my horse got hurt needs to be paid back because they can't afford to have that money outstanding. Great. Where the fuck am I going to get that money? Here we are trying to put a down payment on the house and pay for a wedding all with me being unemployed and now I owe a good chunk of change to the barn.

Of course in true Odette form I can't help but also dwell on the fact that I feel so freaking isolated, that I am nearly alone out here and it seems like all my friends from back home have pretty much forgotten that I exist. Not that I blame them. I was the one who left them after all. But I am getting married this year, and I can't help but be sad about all the stuff that I am missing. I don't get an engagement party (although my bro and his fiancee do) I am not going to get a bachelorette party because my great plans for that fell through due to lack of funds. I always thought that if I got married I'd have my friends around to celebrate with. But I am alone. I have a great fiance and I love him like nothing else, but he can't be the only person in my life. I feel so toxic, like I am this horrible, grumpy, unlikeable person. When did I become this? I have such great intentions to change, change the way I look at the world, my attitude, my eating and excersise habits, but it's like I keep getting knocked down.

Zzzzzzzz

2009-02-13T20:58:00.002-05:00

Okay so I am exhausted. Completely wiped. But......

I am also happy to say that I am now a first time home owner! We put an offer in on a great house yesterday and today we found out that it was accepted! So as long as the inspection and our pre-approved mortgage go through we will officially own a super-cute three bedroom, two bathroom split level! YAY!

Okay now I'm going to bed.

Little girls, Little girls

2009-02-09T14:10:00.004-05:00

So I don't really have too much to write today. There's some stuff rolling around in my head but I am not too sure that it's blog material. Karina wrote about something the other day that I can relate to and I just wanted to write about it.

She wrote about interacting with girls who are quite a bit younger that she is, and I in a similar situation. Karina hit the nail on the head. When you're 19 you don't see the maturity gap between yourself and someone who's in their late 20's, but there is one, and how. I have a friend here who is 19, she's super sweet but soooooo young. I have a really hard time relating to her a lot of the time. It's not even that she is immature it's just that she approaches everything with the innocence of youth. Every problem is the end of the world, and she can't understand that I don't want to go out and do crazy things with her all the time. She doesn't think that we are any different, according to her I just need to get out, but really I need to get my work done. It's not that she's wrong per se, sometimes I do need to get out it's just that I don't have to luxury of youthful abandon and I do have responsbilities. I get so mad at myself because I love the girl, as I said she is so sweet and such a pleasure to be around, but I can't spend too much time with her because I find it frustrating there's no reasoning with her. I remember when I was young and the world was so black and white, but now there are so many shades of grey and I guess that you just can't force people to see things that they just aren't ready to. Does this mean that we can't be friends? Heck no, but I need grown up friends too because I am just at a different place in my life, and I feel so badly about that.

Also as a riding coach I bonded with a lot of young girls who are now in their late teens and they're drinking and getting high and they think that they're so cool. I remember what that rebellion felt like, but now I realize how ridiculous that all was. Now I have all these girls sending me messages about all this crazy stuff they're doing. One is even doing harder drugs and is completely screwed up and it is so heartbreaking. Why are kids so stupid? I mean really what about getting high and getting yourself irreversably messed up is cool? Arg these stupid stupid little girls. I love them so much they all call me their big sister and it breaks my heart to see them acting so stupid. It's not that I don't understand the drinking thing, I do and I know that they are drinking in one place and then staying there (like at a friend's house) also if they did go home it's always in walking distance, but seriously it's like a couple of them are always trying to up the ante. Arg!

Okay so this post took a very different turn, so I am going to finish with this topic now I don't know why I go off on these tangents, I just kind of do!

OOOHH Josh Groban is on Ellen, I am in love with Josh Groban, I am not going to lie. Sorry that was random. (Serioulsy I think I am a little obsessed, I literally just stopped everything for the ten minutes that he was on the show, gosh I'm a loser.)

Okay well this was a great distraction from studying for my Quebec Legal System exam, I guess that I should get back to it. Hope you're all havin' a great day!

I really should be studying but...

2009-02-04T19:49:00.002-05:00

Okay so I am not going to lie I have been procrastinating for the better part of three hours. I have a final tomorrow and I really should be studying, but I'm just not that into it. So far since getting home I have brushed my cat, unloaded the dishwasher, vaccumed (cause brushing the cat makes a big hairy mess), watched Heroes online (I know the show's pretty much dead but I can't help believeing that it will get better.), checked Facebook 100 times and now I'm blogging.

So update on the snarky classmate. She has now taken to talking smack about one of our teachers DURING class, and let me tell you her voice carries. She has not done very well on any of the midterms so far and she is unraveling big time the funny thing is that if she wasn't such a bitch I would actually offer to help her, but hey why am I going to give my time to her when she was so nasty to me? (Plus I don't think that she'd take my help either because she is too proud.) I have a bad feeling that she's dragging down all her "friends" too, because I know that none of them have done particuarly well on the midterms either. Oh well not my problem, but I am getting a strange sense of satisfaction (I'm going to hell I know.)

In other news, we're headed to Quebec City this weekend for Carnival it's like this winter festival with this big creepy snowman. I've been hearing about it and "celebrating" it since I was in kindergarten so I am excited to finally get to go!

We're also now house hunting. Boo. I hate house hunting, it's tedious and sometimes you find these GREAT houses but there's just one little thing wrong with them and so you get disappointed. Then there's the houses that from the outside look amazing and then you get in them and it's a mess. Such was the case with this house we saw on Monday. From the outside it was amazing it was built to look like a mini French chateau, with stone and even a turret, it was soooo cute. Then we walk in and there's like some kind of stucco on the celing, these HORRIBLE ceramic tiles in the entry way, dragon shaped light switch plates, a kitchen that three people could barely fit, a whole medieval motif going on through the whole house except in two of the bedrooms, where one had a ballet slipper motif and one had a fishing motif? Oh and did I mention that it was a single guy that lived there alone for many years? It had 4 levels (two basement levels!) and was actually quite cool if you don't count the whole it had every type of flooring you could imagine, a non-existant kitchen, and it looked like the guy was either REALLY into dungeons and dragons, or S&M, or satanic rituals, or all three. It was too bad because this guy destroyed what could have been an amazing house, but now it would cost about $60,000 just to fix it and he wanted too much for it so chances are it'll never sell. So sad.

Anyway we're on the hunt. The Canadian government has offered a tax incentive to get people to buy their first homes and also to do renos, so that along with the market makes this the perfect time to buy! Now we just have to find something.... crap.

Anyway I am actually going to try to study now and by tomorrow at this time I'll be done with Organizationa Behaviour! YAY! Hope you're all having a great day!

OOPS! Tagged! :P

2009-01-30T22:51:00.005-05:00

So Kass tagged me a while ago and I kinda forgot to do it! So here goes. I am not going to lie, I had to cheat a bit because the idea is to go into your pictures folder and choose the fourth pic from the fourth folder, but that pic had someone else in it and I didn't feel right putting someone else's pic on my blog without asking them, so I went into Facebook and took my fourth pic from my fourth album there.

The next part of the tag says to explain the pic. Well this is the first pic I took of my engagement ring after I got it. It was so shiny. Sighhhhhhh. So that's my beauuutttiiiiiffffuuulll ring and I still love love love it!

So for this challenge I tag

Vegas Princess
Delicieux
Courtney
Kim-d

Looking forward to seeing all your pics! :)

My first school gripe

2009-01-27T18:25:00.003-05:00

I started school a few weeks ago. I am doing an intensive program in Human Resources Management, and I love the program. I had hoped that I would make some friends out of this, but that's not the way it is shaping up.

This is an "intensive" program, so that means that there is a group of about nine of us who have all of our classes together, and that means that we're together 30 hours a week for 11 weeks. My interpersonal approach to this program was to make a real effort the first day to talk to everyone in my program and ask them about themselves etc. in hopes that we could all get along and have a great few weeks together. However one lady in my program didn't see it that way. She decided the first day that she was going to pick "the best" people from our class to be in her "group." Now we do have to do group projects, but the idea is to have different groups in all our different classes so that we can get accustomed to working with different groups of people. However she seems to feel that high school like antics are the best way to go and has formed her very own "clique." Gotta love it when 40 something women revert to the high school queen bee! So now there is this group of 4 and then the rest of us, who aren't invited to associate with any of her friends.

She is also the "know-it-all" in the class. She has worked in the industry and seems to have an example of EVERYTHING, she answers EVERY question (yes even the rhetorical ones) and she just seems to think that she's the cat's ass. In one discussion we got a bit off topic discussing the Canadian / American border and whether or not you are allowed to bring fruit over the border. Now I am going to spare you the details, but I disagreed with her and she full out yelled at me and I just said "Okay if you say so and shook my head." The next day she comes to me before class and tells me that she researched it online and as it turned out we were both right, ya know just in case I was curious. I said "oh really that's great I had forgotten all about it." I just don't want to be bothered with that kind of drama, I have my own to deal with! (Oh and for all of you who are wondering why she's in the class if she knows everything, it is because she wants a diploma to put on her resume.... apparently)

Now I know that people like her tend to be really insecure and that point was further justified when we started getting projects back, and I started doing way better than her. Now I am going to say something that may shock some of you. I am smart. I am one of those people who can grasp a concept and argue my way through a debate no prob. I understand things. I can't help that, I can't help that I have five years of post-secondary education under my belt. I am not going to apologize for the fact that I have a natural aptitude for this kind of work. Believe it or not I can write, this blog is not a great example because I tend to just write the way that I speak and just publish it without actually reading it. So anyway when I started getting 100% on assignments (I'm still the only one with a perfect grade in one of our classes) she has started to get harsh. She is always giving me the "oh well we know that yooouuuuu'rrreeeee going to ace the exam/ presentation/ project." Now that sounds nice, but in real life it is bitchy and seething in sarcasm. She's pretty much calling ME a brown-noser. I don't think that I should have to apologize for doing better than her and I feel bad for being at the top of my class. I don't brag, I don't gloat, I probably won't even stay at the top, but I don't feel that it's up to her to cut me down.

Arg. So that's my gripe.

In other news, I am thinking about starting a political blog, because I am just too opinionated for my own good. Politics is a passion of mine and I need an outlet. I need to rein back on pushing my political beliefs on people who don't want them. So if you care to hear my opinions let me know and I'll give you the link. I do warn you though that this may mean an end to this blog, as I can't seem to keep up two at once (remember my travel blog? no? neither do I!) I'll do my best to do both, but in order to save my relationships with my friends I think that I need to get the politics off my chest!

Public Service Announcement

2009-01-23T15:39:00.005-05:00

DAMN

YOU

STARBUCKS

So just when I thought that I was safe from edible temptation, Starbucks releases its Valentine's Day Cupcakes! I innocently walked into the Starbucks across the street from school and just as I walked in a guy asked me if I would like to try a sample. Before I realized what was going on I said "Sure!" I tried the sample, then I realized what it was I was eating... pure heaven in the form of chocolate. Then I realized what I should have seen all along! That guy who offered me a "sample" was actually a pusher! I have since clued in: I've been coming to Starbucks daily since I started school. These cheery people who happily serve me my grande non-fat no water Tazo chai every morning are actually just a bunch of disguised pushers who know that I have lost control of my addiction and am now searching for a new high! They've got me, in the form of chocolate and red velvet cupcakes.....

Don't be fooled by their charming demeanor! They are really just looking to get you hooked! Say no to samples.... if you can!

CURSE YOU, YOU DIABOLICAL GENIUSES!!!!!

Whoops!

2009-01-14T19:39:00.002-05:00

Okay so after that touchy feely post from a minute ago. I am now going to hell as I just told a lie to the World Vision guy that came to my door. He asked me if I have ever considered sponsoring a child and I said that I already did. I hate lying. I feel so so bad. It's not that I don't want to sponsor a child, but I am unemployed, so how can I give them money that I don't have? Le boyfriend isn't home so I couldn't ask him if it was okay. I panicked. Crap. Did I mention that I hate lying?

Thankful

2009-01-14T18:42:00.002-05:00

Okay so I think that most people got "angry Odette" comments on their blog (angry for them not at them) today for one reason or another. I am not angry. I mean there are some troubles at home (le boyfriend's evil "C U Next Tuesday" of an ex-girlfriend keeps rearing her ugly head and this is causing a rift), but I am dealing with that in my own way. However this is not what I want to talk about today, because there is something much more important to talk about.

I have sooo many things to be thankful for among which are a great group of blogging friends who I feel privileged to know. So this blog is dedicated to all of you and so because so many of you are going through some bumpy times I just want to give you all a shout out because I don't think that anyone gets to hear it often enough.

Vegas Princess - You were my first blogger friend (That I didn't know personally) and you have always been so supportive and kind. You are probably the single biggest reason that I still blog. Your blog makes me laugh and I always look forward to your posts. I am so so grateful for having met you. You give me faith in people and you have shown me that we can trust strangers with our hearts and we can actually call them our friends. Thank you!

Courtney - You always have something great to say. You are so sweet and your kind words mean so much! Thank you for sharing great suggestions, stories and pictures of your beautiful daughter with us!

Hallie - Your honesty and humor brighten up even my gloomiest day. You are caring and warm and that comes through in even your most twisted posts! Thank you for doing what you do!

Mary Ellen - You are one of my newest blogging friends and I am so happy to know you! Your openness about your quest to find your bio parents is so courageous and heartfelt. Thank you for taking me along for the ride!

Kass - Your comments and posts never fail to make me laugh and think. You writing is to the point and full of life and feeling! I enjoy your spirit and frankness! Thanks a bunch!

Karina - I love you as a person. You are honest and smart. You make me realize that everything is not always what it seems and you can never judge a book by its cover. I value your friendship and I am so happy that we have become friends. I am also so happy that M has such an amazing partner in his life!

Jiggins - Your outlook on life has inspired me to re-examine my own outlook. I appreciate your insightful blogs and your amazing images. You have so much to offer and I have no doubt that you have great things ahead of you. Thank you for everything you share. (Oh and you all really should check out his pics, they're great!)

Delicieux - You have this amazing ability to say what's on your mind without fear of consequence or of what everyone else will think. Your thoughts are a breath of fresh air in a world that tends to encourage conformity. You have been a constant source of well wishes and Internet hugs and it is so very appreciated. Thank you for being a friend!

To Leon Basin, Porkstar, Lainey and David all of whom have taken the time to post a comment on my blog at different points throughout the year. I really love to hear from all of you, so thank you.

So that's my warm post for this - 26 degree Celsius night! Hope you all have a great day and I look forward to getting my groove back and getting back to posting about many random things to come!